Adulting is perhaps one of the most misunderstood words in English. It is not so much about age, but about maturity and being able to properly function.
My concept of “Adulting.”
The dictionary in a quick google search defines Adulting adult-ing as an informal noun. “The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” I have to admit, I like that definition, but I think it leaves some gray areas to be explored. And the fact is that being a “responsible adult” is pretty subjective nowadays. There are some guys with some early signs of gray hair who are pretty immature, and that goes contrary to a responsible adult paradigm. However, in their mind, they are convinced that they are functional responsible adults. The more we see the world going unhinged, the more we can realize that the concept of adulting is quite different for each person. The truth is that adulting is not necessarily a matter of age. I’ve met some young men and women who definitely have their $#!^ together, while some 50+ people cannot even function as cognizant human beings in their own bathroom (yeah, pretty gross). And no, I’m not talking about mental health issues or senility. I’m just talking about maturity.
The way I equate Adulting is -first – with “common sense” – which by the way, lately it is the least common of the senses. Somebody said it is almost a superpower. I am not sure if that is accurate… but the hyperbole does resonate with the way I see it. Going further into my concept, adulting is linked to “empathy.” Empathy does not mean that you are going to give yourself a way to save the world. What it really means is that a person would understand another person’s action or reaction as if they were experiencing the same situation. This does not necessarily mean that they both need to agree or reach the same point of view. It means that they would respect each-others point of view – unless one of those views it is inflicting actual damage to somebody else (that would be more about by-stander intervention – a whole different rant). What is good or bad? This is very subjective… but you’ve heard me say this before… if the argument is logical, measurable and demonstrable, thein it is a fact. If not, it is just conjecture and conjecture can lead to some very dissident opinions, and those opinions could turn into actions. And some of those actions would be contrary to being a responsible adult.
When an action comes to fruition, there is often a long chain of events that needed to unfold beforehand – for that action to be manifested. The more a person has been given a chance to learn about the world, the more they will likely be able to understand those chain reactions. Even if they don’t experience every link of that chain of events themselves. So yeah, to boil it down mathematically here it is:
Marcelo BeeZee Adulting Concept = Common Sense + Empathy.
© Marcelo Baqueroalvarez / HLC | Posing next to a sculpture of man and his donkey working hard – FEB 2011 Pitigliano, Italy
My quick guide to “Adulting”
The following list is non-all-inclusive. These are just a few things that have worked for me, and maybe will work out for other people out there. These items are in no particular order. Just do me a favor, as you read them down, see how many you can truly say you’ve mastered. You don’t have to tell me, just use them for introspection. I’ll be honest, I don’t think I’ve mastered most of these, but I’m convinced that the more I give my best each day, the better person I’ll become to myself and my family.
- Becoming “the” person you would like to hang out with
- Know who you were yesterday, know who you really are now, and who you want to be tomorrow
- Work at a job that pays the bills
- If you’re a parent, know your kids… and I mean really get to know them, not just learn their names (you know what I mean)
- Learn something new about the world every day
- Don’t be afraid to go outside your comfort zone
- Be your own devils’ advocate with issues of high importance to you, this will make you more objective
- Don’t spend more money than you make (I’m not talking about a reasonable mortgage or car loan)
- Choose a wholesome activity you like – and have fun with it (for example learn to play an instrument, go camping, pick a hobby, start a blog, play a sport. Something you actually like and that makes you happy – and by wholesome, I mean not destructive to somebody else)
- Be nice to and respectful to people, not because you need something in return, but because you really want to be pleasant (that does not mean becoming rug, an enabler or a “yes” man/woman)
- Be grateful for what you have, before rushing to get the next shinny object
- Say goodbye to vices (for example, stop smoking, vaping, excess drinking, or any “recreational” drugs)
- Don’t’ take yourself so seriously all the time, we all have blind spots, and it is ok to laugh at yourself from time to time
- Realize you don’t know everything, but if you are willing to learn it, then you’ve given yourself the chance to gain another tool in your toolbox
- Harming other people in any way (not in self-defense) is never ok
- Being an unapologetically pedantic @$$#0%3 is a conscientious decision, and not a good one
- When you have an opinion, look at the opposite or dissenting point of view objectively. You might learn something new
- Everyone has an opportunity to learn and become a better person. Do you remember some of the crazy S#!^ you thought it was a good idea in the past? Spoiler alert, the more we learn, the more something we thought was an established doctrine will need an update
- As our understanding of new things grow, the more intellectually honest we need to be in order to rectify what we thought was right before we realized we were mistaken
Thank you for your attention!
I’ll leave my list at that for now. And the reason is because this is actually a very broad topic, and I would be doing a disservice by trying to oversimply it as a one-size-fits-all. In fact, oversimplification is against common sense, hence contrary to “adulting.” We all supposed to continue growing as people, even when we get old and gray. And by growing, I mean having an open mind to experience something new, continue learning. No one has all the answers, and I like to cite something I’ve heard before. Wisdom is not knowing a lot of things but being able to use what you’ve learn in the most effective manner. Thus, the more we learn, the more options to resolve a situation we’ll get – by improving our knowledge… and our wisdom will expand. Hope you enjoyed my rant today. Sometimes it helps me reading my own rants to regain my focus. HLC