30 Days Before My Birthday

 

I get like this once in a while before my birthday.  Just pondering on how my life has moved up to this point.  And if I am ready to move to the next year.

 

Pondering about life while out to sea.

If you could see the world through my eyes today, it would be an interesting sight indeed. Not necessarily a happy or sad one… but definitely ranging between both extremes. Today started already yesterday morning, essentially a month before my Birthday. Which was already a very busy day as far as troubleshooting some systems I don’t even control, but hey… it seems that it is part of the adventure.

We are still deployed in the Mediterranean somewhere near Italy and Greece, there are Russian ships all around us, and it is almost as a normal sight.  It is as they are following us all over the place, today for instance I was looking from the bridge, we turned around and the Russian ship near us turned right with us… Yes, in broad daylight, we’re just I guess hanging out together out here. Russia is nowhere near Greece, by the way; but we, the U.S. of A do have Naval presence in the Mediterranean, several U.S. Navy bases actually. I know, I used to be stationed in Naples, Italy over a decade ago. Oh, and by the way we have a bunch of other Military installations all over Europe. And yes, we are invited by the host nations to collaborate and work together.

There is a term “MOOTWA,” which stands for “Military Operations Other Than War.” That can be all kinds of cool stuff such as bilateral agreements, cross training, country-friendship collaboration, humanitarian efforts, logistical agreements, force protection, anti-terrorism, etc., etc. it is like having good friends all over the place. So, we’re just hanging out here doing whatever is it that we are tasked to do, and we do get a lot of tasking. A Destroyer (DDG) is a workhorse, an extremely versatile platform that is fast slick and even cool looking. It is like the sports car of the fleet.

 

 

Rescuing people from a sinking boat.

So, for example… yesterday just before midnight one of our lookouts.  An eagle eye Sailor topside spotted a distress flare.  It was a sailboat with a bunch of people onboard that seemed in distress.  Apparently, their mast was chopped off, or broken… the sail was gone, part of the mast was still standing.  This looked like a sloop, which means that only had one mast.  But again, no Sails were visible. The seas were rough, and that thing was shaking like crazy… hell, even WE were shaking a bit because of the sea conditions.

The Strike group sent helicopters and we prepared the boat deck in case we would have to rescue a sinking vessel. For anybody who’s not aware, these things are not as black and white as: Distress = go get them… it is a bit more complicated than that, for the safety of the boat in distress and our crews.  The world is a lot more complex than a binary decision point. As we were able to assess that the crew was ok, and safe onboard their own vessel, the order was to keep eyes on them to make sure they are not sinking, or somebody jumping overboard and making things a lot worse for everybody.

A ship the size of ours moving alongside them would not be a good idea because of the dangers it would pose to that sailboat crew.  Since we were closer to Greece, the Greek Coast Guard was going to be tasked to actually get the people off the sailboat and bring them where they need to wherever they need to be brought and figure out what to do with the broken sailboat.  The vessel was sea-worthy, but dead on the water. There were lights onboard the sailboat, and the people on the small boat were even smoking cigarettes and drinking what appear to be soda cans. We keep a safe distance from them to ensure their safety until the Greek Coast Guard arrived the next morning… just before noon. Yes, it is quite a way out, and you have to do some quick math to calculate time-distance-speed.

And yes, in the event somebody still missing the context – In the event the sailboat would have start sinking or things would get dangerous to the crew, then we had other courses of action (which I won’t disclose, so this does not give any idea fairies ammunition to test those hypothesis – also, because each situation is carefully planned and decided based on several factors, often as they develop. It is not a binary black & white scenario… what would be stupid & potentially very dangerous to all involved. End of side bar). So, yes, there were continencies ready to roll.  This is the win-win scenario to all, the crew of the boat are not stranded, they won’t need to get “processed” by our crew the moment they step in, because we don’t know who they are, and what’s their story, and because it falls under the purview of Greece.

With that said, we did have to be there keeping eyes on them the entire night, and morning and maintaining real-time checking to make sure they were ok until the Greek Coast Guard arrived.  So, yes, a long story to say that we never know what would happen from one moment to the next.  Here I am, sometimes complaining (even if under my breath) about some crazy crap I’m dealing with, and then there are people who are stranded in worst situations.  That’s reality, somebody always will have it worse than what we are having it right now. In my mind, that does not mean that we have to settle for what is still “not so good” – I am a firm believer that we should always strive to make our situation as optimal as possible. That does not mean particularly ostentatious, or flamboyantly luxurious.

In fact, sometimes super flamboyantly luxurious stuff might look tacky A.F. – money can buy stuff but does not mean that it will make the buyer classy.  There are some expensive-ass hideous things out there. There is a certain balance on elegance and beauty that gives a classical look, even if it is extremely ornated or intricate… but there can also be so much elegance in simplicity if it is properly executed.  I was talking that to the Sailor I have assigned under me for the Public Affairs side of my job. We are, among other things, working on the cruises book, and I was talking to him about how design and symmetry, and even asymmetry if it is well executed can bring beauty and more importantly tell the story.  The details are what denotes proper craftsmanship. It does not need to be over the top, but a little bit of detail on something that would break the “default” to the “customized” elevates the product to a higher standard.

That is hard to teach, because many times it has to be part of the person to be able to replicate or execute it best with their own style. Some styles are timeless and would look great no matter what generation. Some others are just a “fad” or trend and would look hysterically dated and tacky as time moves forward. I’ll give you an example, some of the old movies that looked “super futuristic” and had whatever technology they used at the time to make it more “futuristic” – in many instances it looks hilarious looking with today’s lenses.  But some others, were so well executed that even though it has been decades, they still bring that proper illusion and timeliness.  This is of course hard to achieve and takes the mind of a skilled artist to bring that thought into a timeless piece.

For example, some paintings, sculptures, architectural wonders that are centuries old, still would inspire the imagination, and keep modern folks in awe in the execution of those disciplines. We were recently in the city of Taranto, Italy. One of the centerpieces of the city is the “Castello Aragonese” – which is actually owned by the Italian Navy.  It is a 500+ fortification, and it has gone through some remodeling through the centuries. And as you visit it (trust me worth the visit, it is amazing) you would still notice the “changes to the castle” some were flawlessly executed, some other areas look a bit like an afterthought in comparison, and I don’t mean this in a disparaging way. I am just speaking about how even good executions will look as though one has a better execution than the other – when pinned back-to-back.  If that makes sense.  So, for example. Let’s say that you have a beautiful automobile but it did not have a cupholder in the cabin… so you decided to add one, but there isn’t any part in the design to add one, so once it gets installed it might look ok; it might look perfect; or it might clash with the design altogether… because it was already an afterthought, there is a risk that the next iteration would lower the full execution, or maybe it would enhance it.

In other words, some stuff is better left alone, some might need some enhancing because the original execution was not all it could be – but there was viable room for improvement. For example, a few years back I had a fun commuter… it was a Ford Mustang that I enjoyed driving because my commute was long as hell, and I didn’t mind putting hundreds of miles a week on that particular vehicle.  It was a good-looking car, but the interior was just a bit, well, bleahhh… So, I saw that there was this vendor that had some cool aftermarket stuff specifically for mustangs, and I added a bit of cool stuff to customize it just a little.  For example, there was this thing that added some nice bevel to my gauges in the instrument panel, there was a nicer shifter knob, nicer pedals… and I painted the logo in a nice metal finish.  It brought that interior up so nicely. When people get into my car, they would not be able to put a finger what was so different and nice about my Mustang, than other same model/year mustangs they have ridden. Aside for the fact that I like to keep the vehicles clean.  The point is that the details were so subtle, that brought that elegance into the car without making it obviously unsightly. It is an art form.

And thinking about my old car, it makes me realize how time has moved.  I’m here in my rack again… I just finished doing and folding my laundry… I hear a helicopter flying, essentially on top of where my sleeping quarters are located… it is not terribly loud, but you can hear it. And tomorrow, it is supposed to be holiday routine – again, finally we are actually able to honor those rare days without doing all kids of crazy stuff.  When you’re deployed, there are no days off. Maybe only if you’re in a port, but some ports are also working ports… so even time off on a port visit can be more complicated than that.  Also, you might be tired because now you’re looking around with your friend’s whatever place is it, you’re visiting… especially if you or your friends have never been there before.

And trust me, when you hit port after being cooped in a ship for a while… you want out of the boat and on to see whatever else is out there. Eat a nice meal with the local cuisine, maybe get some souvenirs and gifts for the loved ones, if we can do overnight… hell yes, going to a suitable hotel. I like getting the best room that makes sense, hopefully with room service.  Just so I can maximize some “me time” – trust me, “me time” is not overrated if you have been hanging out with the same people for that long.  Our deployment at the time I am typing this has been more than seven months since we left.  Very little breaks, no holidays, actual days off, or vacation.  It is one of those things you’re happy to be able to talk about the experience, but goodness, you’ll miss so much. And I am no talking just about the obvious, such as your spouse, kids, family, home, etc.  I am talking about some crazy stuff, like for example you might start carving a particular fast-food restaurant that is only back in your hometown, or a certain snack you can only get back the U.S. or doing some crazy stuff back at home that would have been a “chore” – but now, you just wish you could be doing that.  For example, I miss mowing my lawn with my little ride-in lawnmower-tractor-looking-thing.  Love that thing…

 

Missing my two girls.

But most importantly, I miss my two girls.  I have been taking a lot of photos and videos of the waves, sunsets, the water moving as we sail along.  There is something so soothing, satisfying and almost magical about those.  There is a whole series available that I’ll be adding in my Instagram, social media, and in the sites where you can purchase them as stock images.  I just love looking sometimes at the sea.  I might even do some free fun downloads to be in my social media whenever I have a chance to choose some of the hundreds or even thousands of images I’ve taken. Whenever I see those images, I just wish my daughter could see that with me real time.

Now, I have to say that my daughter Sammy is always with me, in my mind and heart wherever I go. But it is so different when we are together. This month will be Father’s Day… and being so far from my daughter, who is who in fact made me a dad the moment she was born… to be so far away from her is hard. I would have been already home if it was not that we got our deployment extended for several more months. And yes, when you’re deployed, even one month counts as several… and it is more than one month extension added to the already six been gone.  It is not easy for anybody involved, and there is always the looming possibility that you might get stuck longer thank you expect.  That’s not a fun feeling for anybody.

The interesting thing is that days feel like they are moving fast.  Not because it is “fun” – it is not always fun — thought we make the best of the circumstances. It is just like you’re getting on a routine and the weeks are “similar” somehow… so again it is Saturday, there are certain meetings we have on certain days, so it kind of gives you a pattern… then something happens, and the meetings move to the right or to the left and kind of throws you off a bit, but sometimes that’s how you gauge time moving. Also, I’ve been trying to focus whatever time I have free to do something good to work on my transition towards retirement, and continue making content for Half Life Crisis, which has also become a sanity check for me.

You see, when I started Half Life Crisis is because I wanted an outlet to think out-loud and share what I felt I wanted to share. Some people enjoy my rants, even onboard and they learn something, or gain a new perspective.  So, as I type what is just bouncing inside my head driving me crazy, then it might help somebody also have a moment to enjoy what I am saying.

I realize that my stories are not always linear, and I like it that way.  I want this to be kind of a nice conversation when you’re not just talking about one topic, but one conversation evolves to something new, and we can continue moving the chat along. I love those types of conversations. Have you had those conversations when you can talk for hours and hours with somebody.  I have, and love those. But that is not always happening nowadays. The art of conversation has become so stale that people really just want to “get to the point” and move on, missing important context and becoming so binary and transactional in the process… so black and white and socially inadequate to anybody who is not in the same narrow frame of mind. And I am not saying that those people are narrow themselves, only that we are getting so accustomed to missing context, and that causes the intricacies of critical thinking to get lost because some people have the attention span of a hamster.

Surprisingly, I generally tend to keep to myself and quiet… unless I have something to say. Some people actually talk a lot more than I do, but I don’t interrupt them, or make them feel like they are going on a rant, so they might even register they are in fact talking my ear off. The projection sometimes is fun when some people try to point that I am talking long. Well, guess what? I 100% know what the follow up questions they have for me are going to be, so I answer those directly, so they have the context. Otherwise, there are assumptions, and assumptions lead to f–k-ups.  I know, because I’ve seen it firsthand, and what is the excuse “well, you didn’t tell me…” So, f–k that, I will tell you something, and if you didn’t hear me out, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt or missing a beat, “no, I did tell you, you did not pay attention.”  And to be honest, on certain times of circumstances that warrant that type of conversation, I say it because after that conversation is over, it is over… I will move on to something else. I can’t spoon feed information and go back to something that should be completed.

Some of the more cynical would try to point that a moment ago I was talking about the art of conversation. It is an art, because of the subtleties of the moment. For example, if am working on a project that has some tasking that will be time sensitive and I need to move on to other stuff that is going to take precedence in due time (which could be immediately after); then of course I am going to give specific, and if needed detailed instructions to ensure that the task is completed properly without rework. Because once that is in the works, I will be busy with some other stuff.

On the other hand, if we are having a conversation and we are trying to get to either a resolution, or I am trying to teach something to somebody that is not familiar with something and we are not going to “see each other” very often… then I will be detailed to ensure they understand context, otherwise the assumption that they understand what we are saying will fall short, and guess what… they would either suffer in silence or ask for clarification later on.  So again, I am very much aware what the follow up questions are going to be, so I bring them up front. In reality, I am saving people time, the difference is that most people spoon feed information, I will give you what you need up front and then I move on with my day. Because guess what? My time is valuable too, and I don’t want to waste it repeating or re-addressing s–t that could be done in one swoop.

And I have seen people that criticize me for “giving more complete info upfront” – fail themselves and playing catch up to their own a-s, because the information that they provided was so “in their minds succinct” that failed to answer those inevitable follow up questions, and then – too late – they realized the guidance was missing.  I always like to think several steps ahead, and hence I don’t chase my own tail.  I like efficiency, and I can smell bullshit and unproductivity miles away, it all starts with providing context and teaching people how to listen.  Nowadays, people’s attention span is so limited that they cannot retain information if it is more than a couple of lines.  This is because they are not listening to understand the “why” they are trying to find the “what” – that becomes memorization, and it of course becomes impossible to retain, especially if there are copious amounts of material. But when you pay attention, you will learn something new.

My approach is like watching a movie or a TV show… people don’t memorize the script but would be able to regurgitate what the plot was about, or some of the characters intricacies… it is not that different in conversation. We are just so socially awkward now that people want to look at anything else rather than the live person in front of them. Do this, next time you’re in a group of live people you’re hanging out with… for example in a restaurant. How many of them are more interested in the person who is not there on the flesh with them…? Essentially looking at their phone, checking their messages, their social media, or anything else rather than be engaged with the living breathing people around them. Even if it is for moments, here and there. At that moment, unless they are answering to an emergency everything inside that phone seems more interesting than the living breathing people around them.

And yes, I know that sometimes we all need to check our phones. Maybe somebody from the family had an emergency or call the wife to ensure she’s not mad at you, if you’re running late, or maybe you’re expecting something.  I understand all that… I am talking about those that are essentially absent in the flesh, more entailed in their phones than the people around them. I see that all the time.  That game, that social media post, etc. somehow becomes a crutch to separate us even when we are trying to be social.  I find it funny seeing people who have been “hanging out with me or in a group” – and essentially, they are so absent by having their head down looking at the phone the entire time, then make a selfie and posting it saying that they are being social… and continue the entire meal or whatever we are doing, still absent with the head looking down at the phone the entire time. I find it tragically hilarious that even the irony is totally lost with the whole premise of making that post, of “being social” while be totally disengaged of the people this person is “claiming to be social with.”

So yes, I bunce from topic to topic… because that’s my whole thing with Half Life Crisis, I type stuff that is bouncing in my head and then I read it and might enjoy what I am saying. Hopefully, for my more loyal readers, it feels like we are having a conversation… something more engaging, rather than just reading a one-dimensional post. You know? Ranting is the entire reason why created Half Life Crisis in the first place… so I am doing exactly what I wanted to do. And it makes me happy and gives me the sanity I need right now to cope with all the craziness that is surrounding me and will surround me for the foreseeable future.

As I get closer to my 44^th birthday, I can’t help but wonder how the hell I ended up in this situation. It is not a bad situation, the U.S. Navy does pay me very well for what I am doing out here, and we are not just floating around burning gas. In fact, I you google USS COLE DDG 67, you will see a lot of news stories of what we’ve been up to… a lot of historical and high- profile things have happened.  And I am very proud and grateful to be part of American history. This is one of the most historical ships in the Navy already because of the terrorist attack in Yemen back in October 2000.  But the fact that we are a highly proficient crew doing amazing things in the same ship that did not give up and sank after the attack… it is a humbling experience on its own right.  So, being part of this prestigious ship is something that I’ll carry for the rest of my life.

At the same time, this is a gigantic vehicle that is on the opposite side of the world from whom I love the most in this planet.  And until we can bring her (the ship) back to American Soil in one piece with honor, I cannot wait until that day comes.  Meanwhile, days are never boring here.  I have become, as expected, very proficient at my job… so I don’t take forever to do my required duties and tasking.  I am a big proponent of rewarding efficiency, and not creating more work for the sake of creating more work.  Besides sometimes stuff happens at any time of the day, like the sailboat in distress last night.  So, I like to get anything I can complete done in the front end, as quickly and effectively as I can.  I have developed my routines, and my process, so I can replicate it with ease, and even account for shifts in schedule, or even if the day agenda’s change. But also, I am a big advocate of life-work-recovery balance. I have my work done as well as I can and segment my day in a way that is long-term sustainable.  I try to get adequate rest, that was very hard for a while, but I’ve found a way to make it work. Of course, flexibility is important because we are performing in a dynamic environment. And I realize very well that if rest is neglected, everything else goes to shit. But also, I have dedicated time to try not to forget who I am. That’s the hardest one, because when the days get long and things start moving so fast, then one day can look so similar to the last, and before you know it the routine has grabbed you, and highjacked your life.

I have noticed that on my own life while, we are all vulnerable to that reality. It takes some courage and being able to “slow down” – even if it feels counter-intuitive because of how things tend to unfold. Realize that when you move too fast you might be leaving yourself behind on the road, and that part of you keeps chasing after you and might not catch you, because you’re too busy running away from your true self. So, I’ve noticed that, and I slowed down a bit.  I regrouped and realized once again what I am leaving behind.  There is still a lot of me that I need to catch up with. As I lay here tying this, I remember so many parts of me that I wish were not gone… or feel so distant.  And we all have to remember that at the end of the day, you wake up with yourself. This body of ours, this life of ours… in the end is all we have. We might be lucky to have somebody we love and who loves us back to join us in our life journey… even for a few or many years… but in the end, we’ll depart alone.  And knowing who we are, or not been able to become who we desired we could be or become who we are meant to be will become the biggest regrets when our time inevitably comes to an end.

 

Thinking again about the meaning of Half Life Crisis.

That’s why I created Half Life Crisis, it is a way for me to remember who I am, who I was, and help myself from yesterday catch up to the me of today. Meanwhile, also have my two girls alongside me for as long as I can be lucky to have them in my life. There are so many dreams and projects I have left on the back burner. There is so much potential, and so many projects and skills that I have that are so underutilized… not underdeveloped. That’s the frustrating part… I know EXACTLY what I need to do, and HOW to do it. I just don’t really have the TIME to do it.  It is extremely frustrating.  So that’s what I am trying to put together any time I am “off the clock” sort to speak.

I am lucky that in my position I can have a lot of say on my time… of course withing the constrictions of the mission requirements… but that positive latitude of time based on my rank and my area of expertise. Now, that privilege did not come easily, and I had to earn what I am able to accomplish and “enjoy” today.  At the same time, I would not be wasting my Sailors time either by not affording an appropriate level of planning in order to execute their required mission duties. So, obviously, I am not going to cheat myself in a what that would destroy an appropriate level of planning for” MY own” execution of my duties and responsibilities. In other words, I am a proponent of smart work, not just hard work for the same of hard work.  Working hard for the sake of hard work does not bring good results, it will get you tired.  Now, some smart work might be laborious and even require some level of sacrifice, but there is a plan to the madness.

The worst thing we can do is just shoot from the hip and execute a mission without proper planning. It was Benjamin Franklin who said “Failing to plan is planning to fail” – so, I always have a plan. Even my rants actually have some sort of message… even if it will be a spider web or topics. For instance, for today, about a month from my birthday I am trying to remember who I am and how I find myself so far from my family, but I won’t give up in my objective of making the best of the situation that has been put in front of me.

Thank you as always for reading my rants, I hope this made you some company as I clear up my mind. Tomorrow it is supposed to be a fairly relaxed day. I mean, I still have s–t to do and what not… but I have a plan, and that will help me move forward. By the time I return I’ll be posting this and other articles – sometime, when I feel it is the right time to do so. So, at the time you read this, who knows what else had happened to me and our adventure here somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea. Meanwhile, I just dream of the moment I can go back and hug my two girls, because they mean the world to me. HLC