Receiving 2023 and traditions

 

I’m glad 2022 is over, it was an exciting year, but it was extremely painful to be far away from home for such a long time, even back in homeport!

 

Welcome 2023 and so long 2022…

There is something unique about New Years, at least to me. I was from the school of thought of “New Year, New Life” but now I have evolved form that. I want to think that this evolvement is for the better into the best. To me nowadays it is not just about having all these high hopes pinned onto the next year, but rather giving it a more realistic approach. Keep this in mind as we talk a bit more about this. First off, I am grateful to be able to welcome another year in my life. At this point in my existence, I really want to be alive and well in order to be there for my daughter and my wife. 2022 was a very challenging year, even more so than 2021. And with all these lessons learned, I am more open to focus this enormous time investment I went through in 2022 into 2023.

If you read my previous post about holidays, you would notice in no uncertain terms that I am not a big fan of the holidays for very personal reasons. But when it comes to New Year’s I am a big fan. And yes, there might be some bias attached to that feeling, and I acknowledge and accept those. To be even more honest, it has always been a more revitalizing part of my life. I am not a person who subscribes to superstition, at least not anymore – growing up in Ecuador when I did, there were no shortage of superstitions. But the more you grow, the more you are able to see things with more clarity.

And for me this revitalization is more of an “organizational” time – so it just gives a “symmetrical” and elegant time to put some of my plans into action, or at least ensure that my plans are not going off the rails. And I do have a lot of plans for 2023. And yes, a lot of those also have to do with Half Life Crisis (which is part of this project you’re reading right now). However, I would be very naïve if I thought that just having a bunch of goals in a list will magically manifest into reality. So, what I was able to do this year was to get a few of my goals “pre-started” if that makes sense. Kind of like planning a seed and letting it simmer and grow. Things may take a short time or a long time to grow.  Some of the stuff I am doing will take a longer time to manifest than others. But every long journey starts with a first step. And some of those steps have been started the journey… and so it goes… I am not really stressed out about that in particular. I’m seeing the progress I expected at this point, so that on its own gives me a warm fuzzy to realize I’m more than likely on the right track.

And of course, a lot of my goals always include my family. And I probably should have started with that, because my wife and daughter are always my priority. But no matter how things get attained into the shuffle that is life, I always find a way to give my two girls any priority I can achieve.

 

 

2022, I’m glad it’s coming to a close

There is no way to sugarcoat-it, 2022 was a very challenging year.  As with my stance on how chronological beginnings are important to me, I try to make the best of the 1^st of every everything. Everybody has their quirks; this is one of mine. And you know what? It makes me happy, so I will continue doing that. It helps my sanity.

The way I see it, and somehow, I’ve conditioned myself to function – is that the first of the day of the year, the first day or the month, the first day of the week, the first day of anything sets the tone for the rest of that timeframe. For example, the rest of the year, the rest of the month, the rest of the week, etc. Some people might call it superstition, I call it a baseline” feel.” That does not mean that there won’t be ups and down’s throughout… but for example if it starts well, it normally feels good throughout. If it started not well, then it tends to kind of linger. Coincidence? Maybe… but after so many years of doing this, these coincidences seem to be more established as a pattern. At least to me. And yes, a lot of that is likely based on my own perception and willingness to make it so.

Is it a no-fail system? Not really… do I care? Not really, either. Why? Because it gives me some sense of stability. And particularly lately that my planning schedule has been so dynamic, every little bit of stability helps me even my keel and help me move forward without unduly eroding my strength.  Dang! That was a mouthful… it is true though.

For instance, 2022 found me out to sea far away from my family. And yes, I was gone for most of 2022, and even several of the holidays and weekends after I returned. More than ever before I found myself being in separated from my family, even in close proximity. What does that mean? Well, even if this time the separation was only a few miles, instead of being in the other side of the planet. But separation is separation, no matter if you’re far away or in a different part of town. Likewise, when it comes to bonds of affection if these are strong enough, they are impervious to distance – it is not fun – but impervious none the less to be totally erased.  But that does not mean that there won’t be taxing and even emotional concerns with that.

What do I mean by that? Well, simple – I love my wife and daughter the same no matter if I am holding them in my arms or if I am in the other side of the world. My love for them is the same. Will I miss them? Abso-f*****g-lutely YES, more than you can imagine. And this goes both ways. But missing and needing is not the same as loving. It is ideal if all these feelings are conglomerated, but life is not as easy, and no matter what you do for a living, separation from your loved ones will be one of those things that will happen at some point. You cannot change that, and even if you do, people do need time apart. How long is your separation, and how much you’re missing during this separation, that’s a whole different issue. And a very important at that. And I intend to write specifically about that in detail in the near future.

But meanwhile, for example, when I am home, and my daughter Sammy is also at home; we will hang out as much as Sammy wants to hang out with me. Sometimes Sammy prefers her “me time” and I will honor that for her. That won’t make me love her any less or more, she knows that I am there in her heart and she’s in mine no matter what, she’s my little girl. But yes, my little girl sometimes wants to do what she wants to do, and that’s her right and I’m happy she has the gift of choice. Choice and consent are big principles I want to inculcate on my child. I want her to be able to benefit from those principles. And the only way we can teach those is by letting her experience how these are applied. And in reality, I think we’ve gotten some balance on the principle.

However, there is still a lot that needs to happen, and although I won’t go into details here. I just want to say that I do realize the complexities of every situation. Those details won’t make it for public consumption, but it helps me establish the fact that every family has to contemplate a wide gamma of situations which are unique to each family. Every family’s history is unique.

In our case, 2022 was not easy to any of us. And I have to commend my wife and my daughter for all they achieved in spite of me being far away. Surely that there was a lot we tried to catch up once I returned, but the sad truth is that time is something you can never recover. My daughter was a little girl when I left, and she was a young lady when I returned. That is time none of us will ever get back. Likewise, the little bit of time I’ve been able to spend at home it has been quite brief – however meaningful our interactions. We’ve maximized our time the best we could, but remember the day only has 24 hours and there is only so much you can cram on a day without going overboard. Therefore, my plan for 2023 is to give my family as much time available together as possible.

Now, it is unrealistic AND unhealthy to try being together with anybody 24/7.  Part of our individuality is forged when you get a chance to give some latitude to one another. What I am talking about is being available whenever she needs me, at all times. I can’t do that now. In fact, it seems that a lot of times I am only visiting my child, or if I do have some time available there are other restrictions to our time together depending on what is going on with my schedule. That is an unfortunate part of being a military child and a military family. However, the reunions after any length of absence are very happy moments for us all. Nothing makes me happier than having my daughter greet me with a smile, give me a big hug. She will hold my hand and show me around about something she’s excited about.

With that said 2023 is when my retirement papers get submitted and when I will reach my 20 years of military service. And 20 years is as far as I am going. The main reason is because for what I described above; I want to be immediately available to my child with as little extrinsic restrictions as possible.

In reality, everything else that I will do will revolve around her. Sammy is my responsibly, as her dad. I can’t turn back the clock, none of us can. But what I can do is learn from the past so I can have a better course of action.  Of course, that is not as easy as 1, 2, 3… but at least I understand the process. I just don’t control the entire process. I can be confident about what I can control, but I can’t push more than whatever my leverage will allow to push other parts of the equation… and this equation is complex.

Then again, thought my entire life, nothing has been simple black & white stuff… Not sure if I like it or just came to accept it as time has moved on. With that said, there is a silver lining… I am learning something new with each opportunity, adjusting, and improving. And that’s really what I feel I can strive for with each new beginning. Bring those lessons learned up front and use them to accomplish previous goals. And let’s keep in mind that some goals are repetitive – you need to achieve the same “tasks” a few times in sequence. For example, physical performance evaluations… this happens a few times, and we set goals to keep within a certain physical standard. At least in the military we do. But that’s just an example.

The point is that there is a journey to everything, and in this journey, we cannot always control what we’ll encounter along the way. However, if we’ve seen something similar along the way, we can use that information to better negotiate any similar obstacle we encounter. Hopefully much easier and with a higher degree of success.  I am anticipating challenges along the way, though I have a strong feeling these challenges – to me personally – will be a lot less dramatic than 2022. That’s what I am aiming for at least.

To that end, my retirement is in the forefront. Of course, there is a lot that needs to happen in order to get my final “date” – but I put this input this week, and now it is just a matter of waiting for the answer. Once I have that date secured, I can finally start putting some coherence into the plan. The good news is that I’ve accumulated tons of leave days, and I’ll have to use them somehow. Meanwhile, I’ve been doing everything in the administrative way to ensure my duties and responsibilities are not left astray. Regardless, it is important to note that every good story comes to an end, and my 20 years in uniform were an amazing lifetime adventure. It is just my time to let the next generation continue their path. It’s a cycle.

 

Old New Year’s Traditions I Miss

I’ve shared with my wife some of the traditions we used to have for New Year’s Eve back when I was growing up in Ecuador and later on in Florida. She finds it funny, and in reality, there is not much “science” to them… they were meant for fun for the most part. But let me tell you, people in Ecuador at least in my extended family used to take these traditions very, very seriously. I have to admit that I did enjoy most of them quite a bit. And it was fun. And since this time around I won’t be in the middle of the sea for new year’s I would like to do revive a few of those traditions. I’ll let you know how they went the next time I write an article for New Years.

If you end up reading my words in 2023, or sometime later… you’re more than welcome to enjoy any of these “traditions and superstitions” the majority are in no particular order, but I’ll leave my favorite for last… and mostly because we cannot actually do that one here in USA. And I don’t recommend you do that either… you’ll see why, but that was indeed my favorite tradition of them all. I can’t attest for the accuracy of these, these traditions were explained to me as a child, and I am not sure if there are different versions. This is how we performed them at home.

 

Safe for USA traditions

• 12 Coins. Supposedly saving 12 coins would allow you to financial prosperity the rest of the year. You were NOT supposed to spend these coins for the entire year… just save them. The way it was explained to me is that then other riches would be attracted to the coins and your wealth would grow.

Did it work? Surprisingly yes… at least to me. Since I tend to go above and beyond, what I started doing was saving a lot of coins of the highest amount I could find and see how it worked. Coincidences, maybe… but whenever I chose the biggest denomination of money each end of the year for this tradition, the more I received back that subsequent year. One time I decided to spend some of the coins before I was supposed to, and it kind of got a setback somewhere that year… so I never did that again.

Will I try it again? Yes… in fact, I’ll try to get the same for my wife and daughter and see how that goes. Worst case scenario it will make it for a fun story, and I’ll put it in my safe, so it is out of sight out of mind. Hopefully I will be able to find silver dollar coins, or something like that.  Otherwise, if I don’t have coins, I might use bills. Hey, it is more for fun, but it is worth a try.

 

• 12 Grapes. Supposedly each grape is intended for each month of the year, and you’re supposed to make one wish each minute or second after midnight… I hope it is one grape per minute after midnight… can’t physically make 12 wishes in 12 seconds, or risk chocking with 12 grapes. But hey… it was fun, don’t we all wish we can make wishes? Anyway, to me it seems fun, so you make a wish and eat a grape and repeat until you eat all 12.

Did it work? I don’t know… I can’t ever remember what I wished for. Maybe, I guess… but really more than a wish might be a goal, so it would be bound to happen one way or the other.

Will I try it again? Yes… I like grapes and I find that very fun. I’m very sure my daughter will likely be going to bed well before midnight, but I do enjoy these events. Even just the fun of “making a wish” is fun… let alone 12 wishes.

 

• Egg Oracle. This one used to be taken VERY seriously by my extended family. Particularly on my mother’s side. Anyway, this is what you do: Get a regular egg, a glass (the clearer the better) and a fill it about halfway with water. At midnight, you crack the egg and put the egg contents into to glass with water. Then you hide it. You’re supposed to look at it at noon the next day. Supposedly the egg yolk and egg whites will show all these figures and forms you’re supposed to decipher as of what the next year will bring.

Did it work? What do you think? Yes of course… hahaha…. In all seriousness, I don’t think there is any science there, but we see what we want to see, and some of that might or might not happen. I will say this though, in 1996 I did that egg experiment, and my egg did not show any interesting shapes or any cool stuff, and that was the most boring year in my entire life. Other times that I’ve tried, and it had all kinds of stuff showing up, my years were very fun and active. So, take what you wish from that story.

Will I try it again? Yes… in fact, I’ll try to get my wife to play along this time. Am I banking my hopes on the results of this egg? Nope, but it might be a fun thing to experience, and who knows maybe whatever I interpret might turn to come true… much like my wishes with the grapes. So, sure why not. By the way, I have not done one of those in a few years… but I would like to try it again, for fun.

 

• Suitcase-run around the block. This was one of my favorites. Essentially you grab a suitcase and after midnight you run around the block. Supposedly, if you do this you will travel somewhere that year.

Did it work? Surprisingly yes… at least to me. Again, I might have been conditioned to feel this way. But every time I tried; I end up traveling. And since I like to go above and beyond, I used to push myself to the limit. So, for instance when I was a kid and I went around the block the very first time I tried it, I actually ended traveling to a different town… and that was already exciting to me. By the way, when I was a kid, it was very rare if we were taken out of town if at all.  So that was neat – quite a change in regards to visiting the sites. So then, after seeing this improvement, I decided instead of going around the block to go around the entire neighborhood, several blocks. And of course, see what would happen. That was in 1994, and that year my grandmother took us to Europe. So that was super neat.

The next year in 1995 I did the same and we came over to live in the U.S. When I was in the U.S. I would then DRIVE around the block and we end up going that year on a pretty fun long road trip through the U.S. east coast. And the next year I drove all around the city and we had a nice road trip all the way to California from Florida. So that going around the block tradition was getting some cool traction based on these trends. Before I moved to Hawaii, I did something similar during new year’s… and there I was moving from Virginia to Hawaii and spend three glorious years there. And my last year in Hawaii before deployment I drove all around the island of Oahu, and I end up deploying to the far east and then moved to live in Italy. So pretty neat huh?

Well, after we returned, we did not go too far for a while, and I tried it one more time and we had a 20-state road trip from Virginia all the way as far as Washington State. So, take what I say with a grain of salt, but I kind of like the trend, even if it is really mostly fun coincidences.  I should mention that other times I did not attempted this tradition during new year’s I did end up traveling and even had a few cool road trips. But hey – this end of year tradition was for fun.

Will I try it again? Yes… in fact, I’ll try to my wife and daughter to join me on the driving around if she’s still awake… not banking on that. But I would like to try it. Afterall, my wife has been complaining we have not gone on a family trip for a while. And she’s right, last time we were able to go somewhere “technically far” was our trip from Virginia to Maine in 2021. That was very nice, but we have not gone on an extended trip for a while. Again, I don’t think there is anything mystical about this, but hey… it’s worth a shot. So far, it seems that the longer my drive, the farther we end up going. So why not, right? Who knows, if this works, I’ll be documenting it here sometime in the future. By the way, when I drove, I did put a suitcase in the car.

 

• Yellow underwear. Supposedly if you wear yellow underwear then you’ll also end up traveling somewhere. Not sure how that co-relates. Now, I have to admit, I don’t really follow this one very much. And I can’t really even remember when I tried this one last. Again, it would just be for fun. But I don’t remember if this worked out… however, I paired it with the tradition of the suitcase and that seemed to work.

Did it work? Who know? Can’t even remember if I was wearing yellow or not… maybe. But hey, at least it gives you another fun tradition.

Will I try it again? Meh… maybe. only if I happen to remember, but I am not really all attached to this particular tradition.

 

And my All-time favorite: “Él Año Viejo”

Hey, so before I start telling you about this. Let me be clear. This is likely not legal in the United States and I’m sure it is not legal in pretty much most other places around the planet that are not Ecuador. So, I would recommend AGAINST trying this if it is not already part of your country’s traditions AND legal in your area. Some of the stuff that attached to this tradition would be considered unsafe. So there… if you try it after I warned against it and you get hurt, killed, arrested or any other bad thing happens to you in connection with that, that’s on you. Just saying…

I know right? It sounds like I am poisoning the well… and in reality, it might seem like that but, I really just want to keep you out of trouble.

 

• Él Año Viejo. Which textually translates to “the old year” was my all-time favorite tradition because of the complexity and the happy memories I have attached to it. This was a big tradition all over Ecuador. The last time I celebrated like this was in 1994 right before I came to USA. Over here in the U.S. of A. this tradition would be considered illegal. 1994 is the that’s my last memory of partaking in that tradition.

The concept is like this: We made a big man-sized-doll that represented the previous year. This doll would be full of old newspapers, maybe some sea dust, and a few low-powered fireworks.  This doll would be placed out in the curve sitting or hanging out there. And we’ll get a rope to stop cars that were passing. They would give a “donation” in order to pass. One of the men in the group would dress in black like a lady, and this was supposed to be the “widow” of the old year.  The widow would be asking for those donations to all people who would drive through the street.

And in case you were wondering. Yes, people drove all over town on purpose to see all these displays and see who the funniest widow was. The donations were just essentially cents on the dollar… it was more about the fun than to actually make money. Though sometimes we did make some serious money because of all the people who would cross our street.

At midnight, we would then burn the doll and for whatever reason we would jump over the fire back and forth. And that was actually fun. In our case, our across-the-street neighbor was the one we used to hang out for this. He was actually a fun guy to celebrate this. There was music, the adults generally enjoyed adult beverages. It was as a good wholesome time, in my humble view.

I think somebody told me that they made it illegal in Ecuador years after I left… I have not been able to independently confirm that. I know however that during the height of COVID they did not want people to conglomerate.  But hey… the memories remain, and it was a fun tradition to me.

The reason why it could be illegal here in the U.S. is likely for the reason why it became illegal anywhere other than there. There were accidents, and people either got burned, hurt or killed. Mix alcohol, with a gigantic burning doll, and fireworks and it is not a matter of if but when somebody could get hurt.  Though personally, all the times I celebrated this tradition with this neighbor or anybody else. We never saw anybody get hurt.

However, that was not true for other people who did get hurt. Some lost their vision with the fireworks exploding near their eyeballs, some got hands blown up with other types of fireworks… people tripping and going face first into the fire emanating from the burning doll. So, for this and other reason, again, I don’t recommend you doing this. However, I will continue tell you about the tradition, just so you know what it was like.

There were places around town where they actually held competitions about who had the best Año Viejo display (or as we used to call it affectionately “Viejo”. Not surprisingly there would also make depictions of political leaders. And let me tell you, some of those were pretty funny, and some where pretty elaborated. Seriously, there were people who would start working on their displays even a month or more ahead of time. The amount of detail the put on that was pretty impressive. And I know I am oversimplifying this tradition’s complexity – and putting it more through the lens of the young boy I was. I can possibly make an entire article just about this actual tradition. By the way, this is also a tradition in Colombia and some other Latin America countries.  And of course, just like in Ecuador it is a symbol of leaving bad stuff behind and start the year renewed.

However, it is worth mentioning that there was – and currently is also quite a market for these events. You could either make your own man-sized doll or you could buy one. These as I mentioned were man-sized, so they were quite bulky. They also made masks, and some of those were more elaborated than others.

A lot of those marks were very much a depiction of famous political leaders often stylized in a not-so flattering manner. Which make me think that THAT is the likely reason why these rumors of it becoming illegal came years after I left. There was a regime in Ecuador who was pretty touchy about any criticism a few years ago, and not surprisingly a lot of these dolls would depict people in key leadership positions. I’ll have to double check on that with people who lived through that to see if that’s accurate, but that’s what I heard in rumor mill. Sometime… today is not that time.

Some of the fun memories I have about this was really making my own doll.  We would get some old clothes, and then we would get some long stalking and fill the doll with a lot of old newspapers, and if possible, a couple of little fireworks. Nothing crazy, but during that time there were no shortage of small type fireworks for sale around that time.  So, it was never hard to get any materials, and they were not expensive at all. And yes, they would sell those fireworks to kids, even kids well under 10 years old. Crazy right? Well, it was pretty normal back then.

I remember my grandmother would let me sometime use old suits from my great grandfather who passed away when I was a very young boy. And I would make my dolls with that. I think – I am trying to remember – she would have me save the jacket and use it for my end-of-year doll for the next year. Eventually that jacket did end up burned with the doll at some point.  I have a memory of seeing it burn.

In Quito immediately (like minutes at the latest) after the new year started, you could see the city streets with what would resemble like campfires all over the place on the streets. Some fires were small, some were huge. Another reason why is likely not something I would recommend in the U.S.

I mean, can you imagine seeing your neighbors having a gigantic pile of man-sized dolls being burnt in the middle of the street, after hours of having a dude dress like a lady is collecting donations – after they stopped your car in a festive manner? Well maybe the second part would be funny, but I’m sure people would freak out with the fire part.

A few memories will remain in the past. But the experiences we have lived nobody can take away from us. And as I look into the next year that’s what I am looking forward to. Some new experience, and some renewed experiences I can enjoy with my wife and daughter.

Happy New Year and may your 2023 will be full of prosperity and happiness. We all have only a little time of existence in our lifetime. Making the best out of life is something I advocate. However, you can make any wish for yourself but once it involves somebody else, it requires their consent. I just didn’t want to leave that unsaid. Enjoy 2023! HLC