My Unique Take on the Holidays

 

I’m not against Christmas, I am just not a fan – for many personal reasons.  And I know i am not the only one out there.  Are you one of them also?

 

What I am about to say is how I feel, that does not mean at all that’s how I expect anybody else to feel about it. With that out of the way, I am personally not a big fan of the holiday season. Whichever holiday you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza or any other holiday that is no longer considered “mainstream,” I’m happy for you if you are into your own holiday spirit and that makes you a good person. If that works for you, go for it. I have several personal, and time-coincidental reasons why this time of year does not mean to me the same as it does to most people around the world. And I am not just talking about a religious connotation – though we’ll talk a bit about that too in this article. So, how can I not be a fan of the holiday spirit? Short answer, because I have perhaps too much context that prevents me from enjoying the same way most people do. Long answer – that’s why I’m writing this article.

 

Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays…

A very large segment of the western population in the United States seems to feel offended if you say, “Happy Holidays” instead of a cheerful “Merry Christmas.” Some more extreme views (in my assessment) pointing towards some sort of “war on Christmas.” First off, there is no such thing war on Christmas, never was. This holiday is very well established, and it is a Federal Holiday and National Holiday in many countries around the world. Consider it perhaps being a war the time it gets voted off the calendar, it won’t.  And yes, even people who do not believe or worship Jesus Christ also celebrate and enjoy Christmas – not because of the religious connotation but for whatever personal meaning that holiday spirit has for them.

Yes, I know – it makes some people cringe as far as – how dare them, have Christmas misappropriated by anybody who does not worship Christ, right? Well, keep reading… the world is a big place. And most of the traditions tagged onto Christmas have nothing to do with the birth of Christ.

WARNING: what I am about to tell you might make you feel uncomfortable. If today you’re not intellectually honest to hear historical ramifications that might go contrary to your deep held beliefs or understanding of these beliefs… this might not be something you want to read today. Come see me in a few years though. The mind is a very dynamic thing, and it tends to evolve. You’ll be able to understand what I am mean by that. However, if you’re brave enough to read it, my words are not going anywhere. You’ll be glad you did. Knowledge is power.

The reason why we celebrate Christmas when we do – on December 25 – it has more to do with historical roots of eradicating Pagan rituals than actual theological Christian theological roots. Look it up… world theology and history are actually fascinatingly complex.

If you ever wonder where a lot of the symbolism such as Christmas trees, and gift giving, and Santa Claus, and red & green color schemes, ornaments, caroling, Christmas spirit, cheer in general, mistletoe, traditional meals, drinking eggnog, prayer (in al the very different forms), religious services (all types around western nations), snowflakes, winter wonderland, etc. come from. They are all not center around the birth of Jesus Christ. However, they have been widely adopted into society as something that will be considered wholesome and dare, I say expected to be followed with no question.

For example, even if you’re not a very observant Christian – and no prayer usually occurs in your home, there still a chance there might be a Christmas tree, and other holiday theme ornaments and symbols of the season. Even if these are Christmas cards somebody was nice enough to send to you. And, no, I don’t have anything against that. I don’t personally care one way or the other as long as it makes you happy and it is not being imposed on somebody else, further I would say I appreciate the gesture very much. In my household, it makes my wife – primarily, and by addition my daughter. They both seem happy having some of those Christmas themed everything. So, I really, I only celebrate for THEM, not for me. As I said, I have many personal reasons. But just because I don’t feel the “magic” of the holiday season in my heart that does not mean I will sabotage that for my two girls.

Some reading this up to this point then might think: Then why are you even writing this in the first place? Well, several reasons. First because I want to, and I can. And second because maybe there is somebody out there who might feel in a similar way, and I want to let them know it is ok.

For example, I am not a religiously inclined person and if they say they will offer a prayer for me I don’t feel offended about it. I appreciate if somebody has me in their thoughts. Likewise, if somebody wishes me a “Merry Christmas,” I will wish them back a Merry Christmas. If they wish me a “Happy Holidays,” then I will wish them back a “Happy Holidays.” And if it is not a holiday at all, if somebody says to me “have a nice day” I will also reply in kind “thank you, have a nice day as well.” Or something to that effect. I lose nothing about my life by being nice to somebody else, so long nobody is pushing any personal doctrines onto me. You do you, I do me.

For example, if somebody will confront me about not wishing them a Merry Christmas if I tell them “Happy Holidays.”  I would say something along the lines of, I apologize… I did not know which holiday you practice. In other words, if I am wishing Merry Christmas to somebody who happens to only celebrate Hanukah or Kwanza – why would I assume their holiday’s preference? Especially if we have not met before. It is easier to ascertain what holiday they celebrate when you have known somebody for a while, but if you’re in a one-off conversation, chances are that you have no idea of their religious or cultural affiliation is. However, “Happy Holidays” is another polite way to say, “hey whatever you believe and makes you happy, I want you to be happy” – that’s it.

There is no exclusion of other traditions, in fact “Happy Holidays” is a more inclusive term. Because Christmas is part of the holidays, well no duh! But still some people think that saying Happy Holidays is an attack on Christmas, it is not. It is just a more encompassing term, which includes Merry Christmas. Or the alternative would be saying, “Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, or whatever is it that you want to celebrate.” Since that possibly not the best way to say something that is meant to be a greeting, “Happy Holidays” seems more succinct and polite for many people. And hate to burst your bubble but saying “Merry Christmas” to somebody who does not celebrate Christmas, though it might be received politely, it is not necessarily something nice or a relevant thing to say to them. It actually might be excluding THEIR own beliefs and deep-held traditions, and indivertibly imposing yours onto them. The offense on either side of the equation tends to come because of the religious undertones charged onto the holidays, so let’s be pragmatic for a moment.

Think about it with this parallel, let’s say that you tell a person born in Lithuania on the 10^th of August, Happy Independence Day! They might say somewhat confused, “thank you” but that does not really apply to them. August 10^th is Ecuador’s Independence Day. Lithuanian’s actually have two Independence Days.  One in is the 16^th of February, and the other one is 11^th of March. I bet you didn’t know that huh? But that’s my point, sometimes we might assume OUR perceived reality, it is also somebody else’s reality too. It is not. As I said before, there is a big world out there.

I understand that Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza or any other celebration during this season could have a visceral response on each person’s identity.  But even on the “versions” of Christmas… Yes, there are a few, depending on where you’re from. The specifical cultural roots and how the cultures are “expected” to follow this tradition vary widely from one group to another.

Let me give you an example. Growing in Ecuador Christmas was a huge deal to a lot of people. I think still is – I haven’t been back since 2006 so I am not sure how it is right now. But anyway, when I was a kid growing up there, it was not a matter of “if” you celebrate Christmas. That was what we celebrated, even if there were any Jewish or any other religions people practiced somewhere – non-Catholics were quite a minority growing up Quito. If fact pretty much everybody I knew was a Catholic, with very few exceptions. Not surprising, being a former Spanish colony, the city of Quito in Ecuador had a very heavy Catholic influence which endures to this day… yes more than 500 years after it was introduced. So, it was very likely to assume that everybody was a God-fearing Catholic in our society. And that was a true statement for the most part.  I’m sure there is a lot of that going on today.

And let me tell you, some people also took the days leading to Christmas very seriously. Which I must confess as I kid, I found it funny. Let me explain you why.  Some of the most devoted and hard-core Christmas promotors also tended to be kind of @$$#*%3$ the rest of the year. This might be anecdotal to my little neck of the woods. But it was stark enough for me to realize it from a very early age. I didn’t understand it quite well back then, but it made cringe then as it makes me cringe now as I am revisiting memory lane.

Some of these guys and gals would get in this trance like state when they were getting into the caroling, and the very elaborated Christmas ornamentation in their homes. In fact, it was kind of a “show off” type thing to do. The more elaborated your Christmas décor the more a person would become a subject of admiration. And I have to admit, that even I wanted to be one of those people who got into the spirt. And I tried, I really tried. And sometimes my grandmother from my mother side – who raised me, would go along with it. Sometimes she was not so much into it. It changed from year to year. I’m serious, sometimes she was all in… other times… not so much.

On the other hand, my grandparents from my father side were ultra-Catholic. For anybody who’s not familiar on how people from Quito prepared for the holidays the minimum “mandatory” elements every house needed were these: Christmas tree, and a mangier scene from Christ’s birth.

Anything else, such as Christmas lights decorations, Christmas stockings, other ornaments, they were optional. And quite frankly at least in some instances I’ve heard from some of the older generations “in bad taste” because these non-religious symbols were supposedly overshadowing the birth of Christ part of Christmas.

As a kid, the big thing about the tree was for sure seeing the presents starting to pile around the tree. Which kid does not like presents? However, the mangier was the main event for a lot of people. This diorama of sorts was very much an object of pride during the season. Some people keep it small and classy; some were small or big but super tacky, some were extremely elaborated and fancy. And regardless of how these looked, or the intrinsic artistic acumen of each representation, you could tell people were very much into it. Even if it was only up for a few days – which was essentially the holiday season. But for this season, there was quite a market for all this.

I told you before, my grandfather from my father side would go nuts on that diorama some years, and then other times went less nuts on this mangier construction. But regardless of how into it he got each year, it was always still very elaborated. When he did not get very nuts on that diorama this would have the scene of the birth of Christ with all the traditional figures which include the following: Mary, Joseph, a bull, a donkey, three wise men, some sheepherders, and of course baby Jesus. However, the baby Jesus would only be placed on the 25th because that’s when Jesus was said to be born. Some people did wait until the 25th, some people just placed a baby Jesus figure from the get-go. And yes, gossip was sometimes a thing if the baby Jesus figurine was placed before the 25th. And yes, I rolled my eyes at that even back then… these would be very contentious passive aggressive fights.

From there people would go nuts on these mangier scenes. Some added little towns, and mountains, and rivers, and a bunch of random people, fields, and sheep, and animals and a bunch of other biblical allegories. My grandfather used to dedicate an entire room in his house just to this mangier. Seriously, if there would have been trains, and highways, and airports during biblical times this man would have added them there… he was VERY into it. As he got older, he scaled it down, a lot… but it was still a pretty big area in his living room. And no, you were not allowed to play with the figures – it was a look, don’t touch kind of thing.

It was not uncommon that people sold moss, and other type of organic ornaments and stuff to make this more realistic.  Seriously, some people even got some sand and little plants, and actual little water rivers. It was actually a lot of work people put into that. And quite frankly, if they were happy about it, I’m happy for them. I remember as a kid enjoying seeing those renditions of their vision of Jesus’ birth.

I remember one time when I was a kid – I don’t remember how old I was… possibly 12 or 13 years old. And at the time my best friend and his family invited me to some pre-Christmas dinner with some of their friends in this big home in Quito. The main attraction was their mangier. And holly crap this thing was gigantic. This particular house had this very large flat area underneath this very wide staircase… we are taking a very, very wide staircase. And then there was this platform, kind of like a shallow square or rectangular well, just about three or four inches deep. But this thing was about six plus feet wide. But O.M.G. it was super elaborated. These guys made an entire little town there with rivers and lights, and moss and mountains, and people, and shops, and stuff… and of course the scene where Christ would be placed. However, this was before the 25th, so there was no baby placed yet. Or wasn’t there a baby. Well, yes, he was. But the crib was covered with this little blanket, and then Baby Jesus was to be revelated on December 25.  And yes, there was a conversation about that. And it went as diametrically as you can imagine.

The hosts for this dinner were nice – a bit snooty, but hey… I appreciated the experience. Back at home, my grandmother would not really let me go all nuts on the mangier construction. In fact, we did have some figures we used every year, and once in a while – on some years – we would have some other figures that we would bring out. One of those was this very, very antique Baby Jesus figure that was more than a few hundred years old that was passed from generation to generation. I should probably look into that, because it might be worth a fortune nowadays. This figure would be stored most of the year and only come up on Christmas. And to be honest I remember only seeing it out every other Christmas or so.

Growing up in Quito, of course there was no shortage of religious symbols in our home. Crucifixes – like a bunch of them, some very fancy, some very plain. There were religious figurines of the Virgin Mary, and a few other saints. Can’t recall having a figure of actual Jesus back home – unless it was a crucifix. However, I do remember there were so many bibles. Some were even very elaborated and fancy. There was this particular one that also had a bunch of photos of religiously inspired art work.

When I was a very young boy, I did not understand that a lot of the artwork photos were not “actual photographs” but rather photographs of a very photo-realistic-paintings of biblical allegories. Which at the time I found also confusing because some of the “same” allegories being depicted had the people wearing different clothes, and they looked a bit “different” from one another, if that makes sense. I was then explained that very talented artists were painting these depictions based on inspirations, and in some instances, they would have models to pose as they immortalized that depiction. That started to make sense, because sometimes you would see the same “characters” being depicted as brunettes, with darker eyes… and sometimes there would be these depictions of the same person with blonde hair and blue eyes.

And yes, if you figured it out already, depending on the upbringing of a particular segment of the world population, their inspired depiction of their own religious figures will closely resemble the ethnicity of their own population segment. That’s why, for example, you would likely see many strawberry-blonde & blue-eyed depictions of Jesus in the northern part of the world. I can tell you growing up in Ecuador none of the depictions of Jesus were blue-eyed. And by the way 2000 years ago people in the Middle East did not generally look blonde, blue eyed, fair skinned in the scorching heat of that part of the planet. And most likely were not six feet tall.

And much like these depictions, so will the rest of holiday traditions and rituals have adjusted as time moves forward. In oversimplified terms, culture is an amalgamation of the population’s environment, history, credo, socio-economic dynamics, previous conquests, occupations, acquired rituals and beliefs, etc. And yes, some of these adaptations were established by force.

In a less simplified way, there is so much to culture that we can write several books trying to get all this into proper context. In this article, I’ll just touch up on what seems relevant to this particular topic. But I do want to emphasize that culture is not a static reality, but rather a very fluid reality. And in this ever-going flux of change we get to experience things that will either become a permanent part of our identity, or we might choose to add different points of view. Some that perhaps are contrary to our cultural upbringing.

 

Why am I not such a fan of the holidays?

Most people are taken aback as far as my less-than besotted endearing for the holiday season. The fact is that to me, personally, is like any other time of the year. Life goes on, and if there are good or bad things in the world – they don’t stop because of the holiday season. However, there is a huge difference.  And that it is often a very expensive time of the year, and the cheer paradoxically creates sadness and stress to many others out there.

In other words, sometimes the holidays can be a time of unity to a lot of people who “have somebody” in their lives. But these can also be very lonely times to those who do not share the same fortune. A big elephant in the room is the fact that there are a lot of suicides during the holidays. And at the same time a lot of people are celebrating, or getting into a holiday spirit, there are some who are feeling very sad and lonely because this becomes yet another reminder that they are indeed lonely.

And before anybody with a shallow understanding of this real stressor to many thinks that just becoming more sociable, or getting out there is a simple solution, it is not. There are many variables by which some people might or might not be able to enjoy a social dynamic. That’s a whole different rant, but I will just say that people are complex. What seems obvious to one it is gibberish to another.

Besides, being out in a crowd does not automatically means that a person is not lonely. There is a very different dynamic between “having a good time with somebody” and “being with somebody.” It is ideal if both factors are combined, but that does not necessarily occur.

There are plenty of people who are very “social” – but they still wake up lonely with themselves, even if there is somebody sleeping in the pillow next to them. Conversely, there are people who might have their loved one in the other side of the world, but their hearts are united with an unbreakable bond. I’m lucky to be in that segment with my wife and daughter. It does not matter where I am in the world, or for how long – our love for each other is just as big if we are sitting next to one another or far away.

The older I get, the more I realize that the most important things in life are already part of us. In my case, having my wife and daughter in our beautiful home and knowing that we have stability to enjoy our lives together is a phenomenal baseline. From there, we have been able to enjoy some of the most amazing adventures together. Of course, that time is the hardest resource to muster, but sometimes even a little bit of time together can be so meaningful. For example, I love taking Sammy to an attraction that has animals or activities she can enjoy. For instance, Sammy loves long walks and exploring areas she has never been. With my wife we enjoy visiting places we’ve never been. Seeing them happy makes me happy too. So, it is a win-win.

At this point in my life, because some of the extrinsic restrictions on my schedule we have not really ventured too far. But that does not mean that there isn’t plenty we can do in our lives to enjoy our time together. In fact, there is plenty to do in our own home. But even then, sometimes just even watching a movie while sitting next to each other with a blanket, and a drink of choice it is to me blissful. For other people it might seem boring. But that’s what I mean. I’ve found the people in my life where our combined activities seem to be just fun. And of course, when we are all in the mood for exploring, we go out and explore.  But there is a common denominator, we all love when we get back home to our own cozy comfort.

Before the time I found this blissful stability, I remember when I was growing up there were times where I would go out to party all night – in hindsight in my mind I could just not wait to be back home. Not that I didn’t have fun, because I did – but to be honest, it also used to annoy the crap out of me. The routine as much like this: Drive somewhere, after getting dressed already pretty late at night, pay cover charge, pay expensive markup tab for every drink and snack, everyplace was loud A.F. and somebody in the group would get drunk off their @$$, tow the the drunkards well past the middle of the night, wake up with or without somebody depending on the night and go to party the next day again… But that was what was “expected” to be doing during that age in the area where I was living. Your experience might have been different at that time. Regardless, I am happier now.

But nowadays, in overall happiness there is another underlying realization. I don’t feel like impressing anybody. If somebody does not like me for who I am – that still won’t change if I like myself.  Too many people spend money they don’t have to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t even like. I spend my money on my girls, and they are really the only two people I ultimately want to impress. Not to mention that I am legally obligated to provide my undivided support to them. But I am happy to do that because I love them. And they love me back! Therefore, to me, that makes me feel like one of the most fortunate people in the world. And that is a very liberating feeling.

And all this context to emphasize that I feel the same way about imposed dates in the calendar. There are too many times the calendar is telling us what we are supposed to be doing and how we’re supposed to be behaving during a certain day or season. And this behavior is likely a way to separate ourselves from our money and spend it in the form of whatever seasonal themed expense is happening.

For example, coming February there is Valentine’s Day (unless you’re in Colombia, Valentine’s for them is in September for whatever reason). But in either case if you fail to “demonstrate” your additional-expense-driven-marketing-following devotion for Valentine to your loved one, then expect to be in the doghouse. However, does that mean that you love your significant other more during Valentine’s than the rest of the year any less? Hopefully the answer is in the negative… at least to me, I love my wife the same every day of the year, not just Valentines. And by the way, most people do not even know what’s the actual tragic origins of Valentine’s Day. And no, it is not a loving-rosed-colored story. It is actually pretty messed up. Google it.  I might write about this later in February 2023, but this time I am writing about these season holidays. With that said, even if I don’t care about Valentine’s either, I still get something nice to my wife and child. Because not doing so apparently its shunned upon – regardless of understanding the inflated artificiality of it all.

And on that note, I’ve been told that the “spirit of the season” is supposedly being nicer to others. But I am by default nice to everybody, unless they π!$$ me off to the point that I find it better for us all to just separate them from my life. Seriously, I don’t sweat it if somebody dislikes me for whatever reason, my life still moves on. I don’t go out of my way to start a confrontation, but at the same token I won’t just agree to something I don’t agree. If I see there is no need to fight, I might just move on with my life. It takes two to fight. If it seems easier to just go along with it, like it was the case for Valentine’s cash grabs, if I can do it, then I’ll do it. But it is because I don’t want to deal with another drama I can otherwise easily mitigate. That does not mean I don’t have my assessment about it.

And when it comes to the season, the way I see it there is a lot of commercial opportunities dressed as wholesome activities. This activity trend is both secular and religious – but the common denominator is that people will spend tons of money. So, I guess it can be good for the economy, but I personally don’t really love it. As I mentioned before, if my wife likes it – my daughter is ok with it and makes them happy I go along with it. But I can definitely live without any of that. And my distancing from the holiday spirit feeling started relatively early in my life. Possibly when I was about 10 or 11… so, pretty much my daughter’s age today.

As I mentioned before, I grew up in Ecuador, and there were plenty of traditions that were commonplace in our city during that time of the year. Many of those were pretty much heavily religiously leaning. One of the most common of these were what was known as “la Novena” which textually translates to the “9th” but what really was is nine days before Christmas, but in reality, was actually the “news” of Jesus arriving at the world.  Each day it would have some part of the story of Jesus as they were getting closer to the 25th… for Christmas. As I was growing up, in some years this tradition was more “devoted” than in others.

Particularly when I was in elementary school, we had these parent-led-student associations who would organize these events. Although I was not in a religious school, like many others which were run by actual priests and/or nuns in the city, my school was just plain old regular private school.

However, it was pretty shunned upon if you were not participant on these religious events. Not that there were any atheists or other religious-leaning people in my classroom that I can recall. In fact, as I said before it was pretty much assumed you were supposed to be a Catholic in good standing.  Therefore, Christmas and any of the well-established traditions were to be followed. And to be honest, I did not necessarily hate these events entirely. Though a lot of the stuff that did happened during these made me cringe.

The way they worked out this “Novenas” was in some sort of a rotation of houses. Meaning that each day we would go to somebody’s house for that day of the Novena. Yes, a different classmate house after school, and even if we were in winter break sometimes, we’ll still go to each other’s houses. I seem to remember maybe a couple of times one of these events also happened at my house.

The events included some snacks, possibly some hot cocoa, or other kid friendly drink. There would be caroling, most of the carols for Ecuador were very much religiously centric, and of course there would be a lot of praying. I won’t lie, some of those prayers made me cringe. Especially some of them that were center in asking “baby Jesus” for stuff… I don’t think that’s a nice way to treat somebody on their birthday. Another part of this praying session was obviously also the story about the that particular day before Christ’s birth. Not every house was as “fun” on an event. Some of them were a bit more upbeat, even have somebody playing the guitar to play and sing along with the carols, but in some others, they were VERY serious and extra-solemn. In other words, each family would have their own take on how they viewed this otherwise very standardized tradition. However, at that time you did not think much about it… it was the way it was.

Other times in my life the parents-association did not actually conduct any of these novenas so if they didn’t have them, I didn’t attend. But I thought I was missing out, so I even asked around to relatives and neighbors and stuff if I could join theirs whenever possible.  And to be honest, I did go when I could… even a couple of times on my own. And I have to say, don’t remember enjoying the experience at all. Some of these places the novenas were extremely – out there – if you know what I mean. For instance, whomever was the patriarch or matriarch were super ultra-devoted. Nothing intrinsically wrong with that, but their methods of treating everybody else in attendance was borderline cultist. And I mean this with the outmost respect, though a lot of these guys already died of old age.

One of such people was my grandmother from my father’s side. I remember asking her sometime if we could pray the Novena and she warned me that she’s very strict about it. I gave it a try regardless, and goodness, she was not kidding. That was not fun at all. I never, ever asked her that again.

My grandmother from my mother’s side who in fact raised me, she was Catholic also, but she was not as hard-core as pretty much everybody else I can remember. Much to my fortune, because I didn’t really enjoy any of those events as much as others did.  I think we did make a couple of Novena events through the years with my grandmother on my mother’s side, but they were not anywhere near as ritualistic as these other ones around town.

My grandma would actually sometimes make me some buñuelos, which there were these little fluffy snacks I loved.  My grandma didn’t really pushed religion too much to us… but she would lose her $#!^ if she felt we were doing anything that would approach blasphemy. Which is funny to me now because she also believed in all kinds of other stuff that ranged from horoscopes, and religious doctrines from other countries, such as Japan. She was not alone about that diversity of beliefs. Many people in Ecuador believed the Catholic dogmas – although very cherry picked the hell out of that, and they would also read horoscopes, and look into “occult” stuff, and even had beliefs that were pretty much aligned with superstition… but hey… that was normal when I was growing up. In fact, I was also tuned to follow that mindset until I was able to see the world from a wider perspective.

Eventually, this false dichotomy of conflicting doctrines is what started to turn me off from all this. And this was more than just the religious–festivity misalignment. My feelings on seasonal traditions are not a black and white issue, it is a complex abstract realization – to me.  Back then, I would ask grownups to please explain to me how did the Christmas tree, Santa Claus, and Jesus and all the other added-on tradition came all to be related with Christmas. I never, ever, ever, EVER got a straight answer. I did get a lot of lip service and in some instances even told to shut up and not to ask that, because God works in mysterious ways.

And to the grown up who told me that… this man whom I don’t even remember his name because I lost that much respect for him – due to this idiotic answer, I can say… F@&% you do dude! I definitely know the answer now, and it is not that God works in mysterious ways. It has to do a lot more with how religious rituals have been appropriated by different cultures to the point most people celebrating them have no F@&%!ng clue of where they originated. Yet there they are celebrating them and getting offended if somebody does not follow suit.

So, in case you did not know the Christmas tree was actually part of a pagan tradition.  Among other things pagans would have the ever-green trees to give some life to the otherwise colorless winters. Pagans were not the only ones; the Romans also had a similar tradition during the Saturnian festivals. The tree’s tradition was assimilated by different cultures, but some of the stricter Christians were actually against it.  For example, the puritans… This anti-pagan sentiment went as far as making it illegal to celebrate Christmas much in the way we are accustomed today (that was an actual war on Christmas – also, remember what I was telling you about the grownups gossip on decorations when I was a child – yeah there are deep roots to a lot of the stuff we take for granted today), way back in Massachusetts circa 1659. By the way, in case you’re wondering what other pagan rituals have become mainstream and assimilated as Christian and Western people in general as holidays and other dates you are welcome to do your own research on the following:

Christmas, New Year’s Day, Labor Day, Easter, Epiphany Day (Three kinds day), A version of Halloween, St Johns Eve.

By the way, Pagans essentially did get prosecuted when Christianity got more traction under Rome’s Emperor Constantine the Great. That man is one of the catalysts of how some of these religious symbols were assimilated, adopted and subsequently evolved into what we see today as mainstream. Adopting and re-purposing religious tradition was not unprecedented for early Romans (well before Constantine rose to power). In fact, the Romans also renamed a lot of Greek Gods and adapted them to a different version of religion. For example, Jupiter was Zeus, and Venus was originally Aphrodite. Isn’t history fascinating?

Before Constantine, Christianity was considered a sect and many of them were fed to the lions. Which is a horrible thing to do to anybody. However, due to a lot of this martyrdom the religious followers galvanized their support for this belief. In other words, the martyrdom was in essence a public relations campaign to gain support. Yes, that happened back then too. With that said, Christianity in the older days looked very different than what it does today. And these changes have been occurring through the centuries. I’ve written an entire book about that, I’ll let you know when I release it, because what I am saying its complex, and yes, I just oversimplified it in this paragraph. You can always look it more for yourself, it will be good for you.

For Santa Claus, the version we see in the United States and that has been popularized also had a very different origin. Actually, this is not a very nice story at all when you learn about it. And there is more than one origin story for this character, by the way. We kind see the popularized way that has all of these people conglomerated into what we see now. However, like a lot of what we consume today, this was too a product of a romanticized narrative. It is easy to take something that seems to be popular and adjust it to the likes and needs of a society. And yes, sadly that also means the commercialization of these events. And commercialization is a big part of seasonal holidays.

Like it or not, the holidays although they have some religious feeling of devotion to some, or many… they are also a gigantic shopping basket opportunity. Sorry… but that’s the way it is. I don’t like that anymore than many do. How much money did you spend these holidays as opposed to the rest of the year? I can tell you without hesitation that this was an expensive month… and even though I don’t care for the holidays there is still a Christmas tree inside my house and there were presents under the tree. And yes, we had some more “significant dinner” and we wished people Merry Christmas, especially if they were kind enough to extend the greetings to us. I am not against Christmas, or any holiday for that matter. I just don’t feel the same attachment as others do.

And of course, if you think about it, many people’s reconciliation with the holidays are because these are symbols of good memories. In my case they are not linked with happy memories anymore. And sorry if you waited this long to read why. My life is not a simple black and white slate. Part of that is that my grandmother who raised me passed away during this season. She was very sick for a very long time, and I could not make it on time to see her as I was overseas on deployment. I arrived two hours late after she passed away. She passed away in Ecuador, my plane was still flying somewhere over Colombia when I felt this incredible sadness. This coincided with the very time she died. It’s been almost 20 years, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recover from this, and I don’t want to, either. This sad event is an important factor in my life, and to me it is very solemn.

I am not a religious person, therefore the same religious connotation from any of those holidays do not have the same impact to me. And before anybody jumps and judges me about that. If you celebrate Christmas, do you feel bad about not celebrating Hanukah or Kwanza? Or vice versa? Still, I do love the fact that these holidays give an opportunity to many people to come together and celebrate. But that does not mean that I will necessarily plan to part-take or attend religious services that I do not practice for the sake of attending. And again, I mean this with the outmost respect to anybody’s beliefs. Your beliefs are your beliefs, and I am happy if they make you happy and they help be a good person to others. That does not mean that I have to follow any of those beliefs. And I don’t intent to either. You do you. That’s the great thing about this country you can believe, or not believe a religion of your choice.

And in reality, to me that is very liberating. And not because I have my own take on the religiosity matter, the seasonal mega-marketing allure that gets galvanized into the entire premise of this time of year. And also, the realization that Jesus’s birth (perhaps unfortunately) for many Christmas celebrating folks is almost incidental. There will be some who will go to Christmas service, and I know I have been one of those before… either on my own accord or if it got dragged somehow. But the point is that we during Christmas season we’re more likely to be peppered with the red-green decorations and winter wonderland themes than the religious centric birth of Jesus. Don’t get mad at me if you have not noticed. That’s why I asked this way back when I was toddler.

But as far as attending services, we have to remember that every Christian denomination will be a bit different or very different. I know also to be a fact. But that’s also part of how culture has evolved around a doctrine. For example, when I was living in Italy a couple of my friends who were Catholic asked me to drive them to the Vatican to the Christmas service, and I did take them. It was nice to be there, but we all enjoyed it for very different reasons. It meant something very different to each one of us. But that does negate in any way the magnitude of this beautiful experience of being together. They very well understood my stance on this matter yet attending a cultural experience in one of the most amazing cultural settings in mankind is something I can definitely appreciate for a myriad of reasons.

And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, no I am not a practicing Catholic anymore… and haven’t been for a very long time. But that does not mean that I’ve stopped being a “good person,” or that I would not even go out of my way to do whatever is right onto others. What I don’t do is pushing my doctrines onto anybody. I will, however, say on what is it is in my mind. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I created Half Life Crisis… www.halflifecrisis.com the site where this article was published first.

And I could argue that none of the “actual” Catholics I grew up around, inside and outside my domicile, where actual Catholics. A lot of the crazy stuff they believed and followed outside of church were actually against Catholic doctrine. I figured that out at a very young age, but I did not want to believe what I was witnessing was contrary to the doctrine… but the more you grow up and see the world from different perspectives the more you see that a lot of what we consider normal is really the culmination of a lot of factors which became normalized.

People will follow what’s considered normal as part of their environment. Concepts or “normal, and acceptable” are subjective and fluid. Things that were normal and acceptable years ago regarding discrimination and racism are today abhorred, and with good reason. In a parallel pattern, a lot of the festivities we follow today were the culmination of somebody’s idea which caught on. Let me give you a couple of non-related examples.

First example. Diamonds rings for engagement… yes, if you have a fiancée in the U.S. of A and don’t show up with a diamond ring that costs a few times your *blank* salary, then you’re a considered a mega loser. Or are you? Did you know that Kay’s jewelers are the ones who started this trend? Yes, it caught, up… It was a marketing campaign.

And yes, even I had to buy a sparky ring to my then fiancée, and now wife. And in case you did not know the diamond rings lose a bunch of value the very second it walks out of the store – after you paid a F@&% ton of money for them. Yeah… mind blown. But then again, you would not want to be the dude who fails to get this ring to your fiancée… and of course she does not need to have to “answer” questions about why your @$$ failed to get that ring. So, it is one of those trends that get stuck in the culture. And as a consequence, somebody gets to make a bunch of money and all of us are mandated to follow, like it or not. Yeah, think about that for a minute.

Another example, this is more aligned with this particular holiday. Did you know that there is no actual accurate “date” for when Jesus Christ was born? December 25, 0000 was really a guess-estimation used when the people who wrote the sacred texts attributed to Jesus – and then adopted by those in power who were able to expand the reach of these scriptures. And no, despite what your pastors tell you, there are no actual birth certificate for Jesus found. And calendars were different back then as well. Also, before you jump to grab my throat (which would be a very idiotic thing to do, because it would demonstrate you’re not ready to learn facts outside a narrow world view), did you know that a lot of other semi-contemporaneous deities to the time of Jesus were also supposedly born on December the 25th? Not one other, several others… a lot of our theological traditions and allegories are not unique to one religion. There are several regions that are active, and some that went extinct thought the years these doctrines had their own sacred texts and personalities attached to it. And the more you learn about theology, the more you’re going to realize that plenty of religious figures seem to have a lot of similarities. And yes, Jesus is one of those. Don’t take my word for it, you can google it right now.  In fact, go ahead google it, just so you can see there is a lot of information about it.

While you’re at it, also realize that some of the older religions that went extinct, it was often because people back in the day were pretty barbaric against anybody who did not worship the same way they did. No matter what religion, this is as old as human civilization itself, sadly. In other words, genocide. Big swats of what would be considered a minority religion were erased by force… essentially killing people or forcing them to convert. Learning theology can really open your mind to see how the world shapes behavior even today.

A lot of the rituals and traditions we celebrate today had a very different origin than what most people think. We are accustomed to enjoying celebrations and follow trends, but very seldomly do most people are really curious to figure out how these actually came to be.  And I am one of those people who like to see how things came out to be. I should warn you though, that following that path might rock your world, and you might or might not feel the same way about something you hold dear today. Personally, for myself, I am ok doing exactly that, because I am more interested about knowing as many true things as possible, and discard narratives that might have – let say, a lot of artistic licenses. Which in this case is a euphemism for lies and misrepresentations.

And yes, you can find examples of that for pretty much anything that is a tradition today across many cultures. For instance, look at where a lot of the wedding traditions we observe and follow in the USA came from, then juxtapose at traditions in let’s say Russia – for example. And the more you learn and see it objectively, the more you might realize that some are what could be described as silly on the way we follow some trends, some are endearing, some are fun… but remember, the origins still tend to be quite unknown to many of those who put them in practice. Again, I would assert the more you learn, the more your mind opens.

So, you see… this is not just something that happens during the holidays, it happens with all kinds of targets of opportunity that capture people’s interest and attention. It makes it a lot easier to embrace if somebody actually feel attached to the trend for one reason or the other. But then again, a trend is only as strong as the followers for that trend. I follow the trends just to the point I don’t have to answer questions I don’t want to answer. That’s why I am writing this entire thing… so I don’t have to repeat myself, and anybody who would really get curious about why I feel this way, then this article exists in excess of 9,600 words – for perpetuity. I am not expecting people to agree with me, but hopefully understand my rationale.

 

Good memories to balance this narrative…

I would be remiss and untruthful I would say that I never had actual fond memories of holidays in the past. My family, though far from perfect like any other family… particularly those who raised me. That’s my grandmother, and my great-aunt for a sizable part of my early years. They were good people, and I can never repay them for what they did for me as I was growing up. Especially now because they have been deceased for so many years. We have to realize that they didn’t have any obligation to raise me, but they chose to do so, even though it was due to the circumstances. Especially when my mother had to travel abroad while my brother and I remained back in Ecuador.

When you’re a kid, you might take for granted those who were around you. I have to admit that in some way I did, and it took me decades to realize it. They were my family after all, and the closer they were… especially as we were sharing a domicile, it seemed as though they were obligated to put up with our shenanigans. Of course, that is not true, and like it or not they did put up with whatever growing pains we had to go through. Even though we all had flaws in that household. But there was something that united us above this obligation, that’s mutual love. That drives the selflessness and I want to attribute a lot of my values came from them. Afterall, they were my closest reference view of the world growing up.

Is there a lot of things I didn’t agree with them then, and I don’t agree now… absolutely. But then again, they were the product of their time and their experiences, and I am the product of mine. But you know what? they did give a good baseline, and I appreciate the fact that they did not push me to become somebody I am not. I mean, they did try to push me to follow certain guidelines I disagreed… but they were not successful at changing the person I was inside. But at least, I did not live in fear, or in a very “strict” household that would have been asphyxiating.  And that adds to what I meant before.

At home, during Christmas, my grandmother and great aunt were not really big fans of over-the-top decorations or any of that. So, in reality we were allowed to put a tree and get it ready if we so chose it to… but I can’t recall my grandmother really going overboard with that. Though she would spend a lot of time untangling Christmas lights. In fact, I remember a couple of years we did not have a tree at all. I remember actually using Christmas lights to do a Christmas tree outline… and that was our tree. We still got presents that Christmas though. She just did not want to buy a tree, and for good reason.  It was a pain in the butt to buy, put up, and most of all disposes of it at the end of the season. Also, as I mentioned before, they were not all nuts about the mangier either… but they would allow me to get it put together. I never actually had any help putting it together that I can recall of. But you know, it was more my thing… I guess.

As far as the meal tradition, my grandmother and my mother did not like to eat turkey… and that I wholeheartedly agree. I do not like to eat Turkey either. Therefore, our holiday meals never had turkey. Instead, we all liked pork chops, but where those red-ham-bone-in-looking porkchops. Loved them! Fast forward a few decades, and my daughter loves the same type of pork-chops too. Though we don’t actually eat them as holiday meals, but just whenever we crave them.

But back then, at some point, every December I would start putting the Christmas lights in some areas of the house. If we got a tree, we would get it in the living room. These were always natural trees, so we would buy them every year – except for the couple of years my grandmother did not want a tree. It was not the norm to have fake tress back then – and they were super expensive for what I can remember. What was kind of funny (to me at least) is that after Christmas it would take us forever to get the lights down. In our house, supposedly we would have to take all this Christmas stuff down on the 6th day of the following year. This was supposedly because that’s when the three wise men made it to the manger according to some traditions… In fact, that’s when some people open the presents… yes, wait until the sixth of January in what is known as the” Día de Reyes” – or textually translated as the “day of kings.” Because in Spanish we called them the “Lost Tres Reyes Magos” – which textually translates to the “three King Magicians.” And the way it was explained to me, is because it took them that long to travel from wherever they were coming to chase the star that announced the arrival of Jesus. I know, right?

You know how many times that happened? Getting the lights and stuff out on time? Zero… zero times… it is funny now, but sometimes I would remember those lights being still placed until April or even June one year, I think 1986… and the reason is because the places we put them in the windows were a bit of a pain in the butt to set, and then it was a pain in the butt to get them out.

We used to have these pretty Santa clause placemats.  I think they would have been disposable… but they were so cute… they had this cartoon Santa in different funny scenes, and we never got them dirty… so they would go back in the drawer for the next year every Christmas. Every year we would have the same delicious porkchops with some side dish – usually asparagus, a bottle of coca cola, and we loved these dessert peaches. Sure, it might sound like a very modest meal for anybody out there…  But you know what? It was a fancy elegant for us for the time, and it was prepared with love. Besides, all those ingredients, other than the soda were considered a bit pricier back then. One thing that was great for all of us we did not wait until the 25th to open gifts…Let alone January the sixth. We normally opened the gifts on Christmas eve… and that was actually pretty cool. The 25th we would actually sleep in if we wanted to or start playing with the toys when we were younger or enjoy the gifts as we got a bit older. In either case as I mentioned before these gifts were thoughtful when I lived in Ecuador.

As I moved to Florida to live with my mother when I was a teenager, it was a different dynamic the first years. I don’t want to get into it right now… because quite frankly it might make me a bit angry. It was not bad necessarily but living with my mother after being raised by my grandmother was like night and day.  And likewise, there is a lot I did not agree with them then — a lot I would not agree with them now… but again, they were products of their time and environment, and so am I.

And to be honest we did not have a bad lifestyle at all as I was growing up. The house was comfortable, safe and spacious, there was always food on the table, and we had a good standard of living.  My grandmother had quite a collection of expensive figurines, ornaments, and other dishware that were very fancy and beautiful indeed. And even though sometimes the presents were perhaps not as fancy or as expensive as I would give my daughter today for instance… they were purchased and picked with love. I did not have an unhappy childhood. And these times actually make me miss them, because I cannot tell them anymore what I’ve come to realize to this degree. Especially because all of them passed away. My mother, my grandmother, and my great aunt who raised me all passed away in Ecuador, in the same home I grew up… and for some reason, all of them in the same bedroom. Which was the best bedroom in the house.

I told you before, sometimes we take things for granted when we are kids. But then it takes a long time to realize how fortunate we were. And here, these memories are what makes me feel less than stoked about the holidays… again, I am not against people enjoying their holidays in any way which feels them with joy. I gave you as an example that my wife enjoys this season, so I want her to be happy about this season. She’s not particularly religious either, but she likes the overall tradition and sprit and what not. I do use the opportunity to give her and Sammy a “larger gift” for these occasions… but I don’t really need a reason to give her a gift of do something nice for them any other time of the year.

The way I do gifts for my wife is like this: I’ll ask my what she needs or wants, and I’ll get whatever that is for her regardless. Then I’ll have some sort of gag gift and then get her a surprise with something thoughtful. For my daughter, I always get her something thoughtful, but then I take her on a shopping spree. Even if it is us going shopping and then she can choose whatever she wants… if I feel she has chosen enough then we depart the store. Generally, Sammy agrees with me, and she’s stoked enough with what she put in the cart. This has been a very useful strategy, because everything Sammy has chosen is something she loves, and even years after she still enjoys and plays with. In other words, my gift for her is the freedom of choice. And that to me is more important than the item itself.

Although my house will have a lot of Christmas themed stuff, although not mangier… we have our own little traditions – just for my little family. We create new memories and the way we celebrate might seem a lot more modest than other people… but we don’t care. That’s how we like it. Instead of “traditional” Christmas dinner, we decided to have a different fancy dish each holiday… and I like that. We get something nice, get some fancy drinks for the grown-ups, and then open the gifts on the 25th. Mom (my wife) is not super strict about that, but that’s seems to be the norm. One thing at our home, we do not mind if we sleep in if we have a day off. Afterall it is cold A.F. this time of year outside, and it they are happy then that works well for me. I have to admit that if I don’t have to get up early, I love my big warm bed, especially if I am cuddling with my cute warm wife. There is a reason why we made our home as comfortable as possible, and why no matter how far we go to explore we are always happy to be back at our own home.

Incidentally, today December 25, 2022 – as I write this, I am not home. I have duty… so I am sitting in the Chief’s mess onboard the world-famous USS COLE as the night comes to a close. And though my house is technically very near, today I’ll spend the night here onboard. As much as I don’t like being far away from my girls, I stablished that to me the holiday does not have the same feeling as it does to other people. We did have a little celebration yesterday on Christmas Eve.

What does bring me down is because the season does means something particularly special to my wife. To my daughter, she’s a lot like me – every day is special for us regardless of a holiday designation. Today, for whatever reason, this is where I am needed. This might be the last holiday I have to spend away from them. Last year, I spent this holiday also away – but I was in Cyprus. A lot farther away than I am now from them. I was able to spend the morning hours with them, and they had an uneventful, yet nice cozy day at home. I established it is very cold out there today.

Although I’m not too much into Christmas or the season in general, I am a big fan of New Years. Some people say new year, new life… not me, at least not exactly. I am more of a realization that I’ve been afforded yet another year in this world. This realization gives me the motivation to ensure my goals are being organized and give a good chronological start for any plan of action execution. Also, it makes me think about what was left behind and should stay behind. I’ll make an entire article about that fat the end of the year.

For today, if you celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas. If you celebrate Hanukah, Happy Hannukah, and if you celebrate Kwanza, Happy Kwanza. If you don’t particulate celebrate either but enjoy the season, Happy Holidays and Season’s Greetings. If you wished me any of the above, I appreciate you very much and I wish you much love and happiness today and always. HLC