BIRTHDAY THOUGHTS – Yes, also CAPS!

 

Celebrating your birthday underway it is not a fun thing to do at my age.  And no, this is not the first time I’ve celebrated while floating around!

 

A time capsule for my thoughts.

It has been a while, but here we are 10 July. So much has happened since the last time I was coming around to write an article. But that does not mean that I ‘ve not been occupying my time with some other good stuff.  As I write this, I am in my fat pants, still deployed, in my rack in a kind of awkward position that I’ve gotten accustomed by now. It is a Sunday, but it considered a workday. I finished all the stuff I had to do for today, so I am getting as much time to enjoy my birthday in the best way I can, given the circumstances. And this is it.

So, what’s been up since I’ve last written an article? Work mostly, but also, I’ve been working on my book manuscript. It is already well into Chapter 8, and hopefully it will be done before we return home.  I’ve been working the majority of my time on the cruise book. Yes, it is legit work, that endeavor takes a lot of time and skill. And it won’t get done by itself.  It also helps me focus and recenter on all the stuff we’ve been going through, which is a lot. The cruise book is also a historical record of what has been going on during this deployment. And there is plenty of history and symbolism.  Again, as I said, it is a legit endeavor, and it won’t get done by itself. So that’s been my primary focus other than whatever is it that I do for a living here.

Oh, COVID hit the ship. After our port in Spain, we had a few cases and then it ballooned to a big chunk of the ship. Yes, everybody was vaccinated and even had the booster – so all three vaccines.  The fact is that even though they are vaccinated, the virus had continued to spread and evolve, so the variant that hit the ship was not one that was covered by the booster. The silver lining is that all three vaccines made the people who were sick, less symptomatic and were able to recover. Some were positive but with very little symptoms, some others got hit like a ton of bricks.

This is to remind everybody, and I’ve written about COVID before, that this virus does not affect everyone the same. The biggest contributor to its continuous rampant spread happens to be the complacency of those who “think it is no big deal” and who keep “breaking or bending the rules.”

Again, what are those simple rules? Wear your mask over your mouth and nose whenever you’re around somebody. Maintain at least six feet distance from one another (even if masked) and wash your hands for at least 20 seconds with soap and water. So, for all anti-maskers and COVID deniers out there, guess what became mandatory onboard THIS ship? Masks, and even having the Commanding Officer direct people to be quiet when eating without a mask. And if they want to talk to put back their mask on.

Not surprisingly, those who decided not to listen, or who thought that it was not a big deal ended up COVID positive themselves. Less surprising even was the trend of positive people who were in close proximities. For example, same work centers, or places where they lived or congregated – where they thought it was “safe” or “no big deal” to be mask-less. This of course threatened not only the health of the crew, but also our ability to go to a port, or conduct some certifications. More mundane even, the fact that we had to designate two berthing’s and shuffle living arrangements (moving people around) to keep those COVID positive separated and taken care of, get runners for their meals & take out trash, and of course flexing on watch-bills, and manning requirements to sustain all the mission requirements that still exist, despite COVID.

I want to give credit to our Commanding Officer in making sure that he was transparent and direct enough to the crew on his directive. What kept the numbers trending up was the fact that there are always a few that have “selective hearing” and “bend the rules” – those either became COVID positive themselves or were vectors of disease, even if they did not know it. And what we observed inside the ship is pretty much what happens in the world at large, and the reason why we keep fighting COVID for well over two years, and COVID is still wining. Because some people are F@%&ng stupid!

In the ship, we noticed that a minority of those who did not follow the rules affected others. Most people recovered, but we did have to Medically Evacuate others, thank goodness we have an Air Carrier with an airport on top of that ship, carrying among other things many helicopters.  Again, this is to illustrate the point that COVID does not affect everyone the same. Some of the Sailors who were COVID positive, were mostly bored out of their minds, because they had to be confined to their beds for a few days.

It is also worth reminding that the mask is not necessarily designed to prevent “getting COVID” – it is designed to prevent “giving” COVID to others, because of all the moisture of our mouths spread the virus in these droplets and they make their way to another person.  No, you cannot see it with the naked eye.  But even that’s why we have N-95 masks as the mandatory face wear in the ship. Because these ones are more robust in the giving/receiving part of the equation.

Another measure was limiting the number of people in the gyms, in the common areas, and even work centers. We went as far as getting everybody to be in their racks if they were not at work. So much was the concern to keep these numbers down that we are even authorized not to shave at all, to minimize the time interacting next to each other without a facemask on by the sinks. And what do you know? It worked! The numbers that were rising rapidly went down dramatically. They still move, very slowly, but it is because there are still people with selective hearing who keep the COVID spread. It is the people, a minority of people, most of them – by the way – same people who were either anti-maskers, or that asserted that COVID was not a big deal. Well, if it would stop our next port visits and mess up our liberty and leave. Once we return to port, I would qualify it as a big deal, even if “nobody died” out of this disease.

And the truth is that a lot of us possibly even got COVID and we did not know it. I am being honest, I might have been one of those, but the symptoms were not anything that is not messing me up on a daily basis before this started moving. But just in case, I maintained my distance, I kept my mask at all times, I washed my hands and recommended others to do the same, even if they would not listen, or would keep F@%&ing up, like doing the same thing that has been spreading COVID anyway. Like not shutting the f@%& up when we are having meals, if they are not using a mask, and also get the f@%& out of the room if you finish eating.

People from every rank got affected, and chances are that some are affected and not know it and are vectors. And that is what I find most disturbing of all. This is a microcosmos of what is happening in the world at large. I’ve been saying the same $#!^ for a couple of years.  This virus will continue to spread, until either all those that don’t’ understand it actually die from it or get their head off their @$$ and help being part of the solution. I don’t see much of either happening soon.  For some reason, it is the ones that are less inclined to understand the severity of this, the ones that end up asymptomatic or recover “fairly easily” – and that makes it so much worse, because that lack of altruism and empathy is what kept the virus spreading far and wide on the first place. Now, some idiots think they are vindicated, because “it was not too bad” for them.

So, since COVID is still a thing, and it is real, and it has hit the ship… I am still here then, in my rack and prefer to do what it seems to be working.  Getting away from people unless I really need to be around them, wear my mask, drink plenty of water, and wash my hands. We even have a 24-hour watch rotation with all the Chiefs to make sure we monitor that the rules are being abided by. Who would know that mitigating controls are needed to prevent further infection, right?

Birthday Greetings, even while the ship is riddled with COVID.

I did get a few birthday greetings, that was nice.  I was so happy to see the one from my wife. She knows that her and our daughter Sammy both melt my heart and cannot wait until we can finally be back together again. Among some of the documents I prepare every day, I have a summary of important stuff that the crew and leadership need to know about. I included a note about my thoughts being a 44-year-old man. I don’t know how many of them will even read it, but I figure those who need to read it, that little article will find them. I’ll try to screen capture and put it here sometime in the future.

But mostly what I wanted to say is that time moves for us all and we can’t waste our time in stuff that does not makes us happy. #1 thing to avoid is drama… and there is so much drama going on in the actual world. But also, here in this very ship. It is normal, we see stuff like that in every place of work.  I’ve seen it in restaurants, I’ve seen it in retailers, I’ve seen it pretty much everywhere. It is almost endearing, because it is almost like a common denominator that people face.

What I find interesting, is that people sometimes tend to create conflict out of something that does not even elicit controversy in the first place. There are a lot of difficult people out there, and often, what I’ve realized is that they just want attention. Kind of like a misbehaving kid who is doing mischievous things and wants to get attention. Cutter when you’re a kid, a lot less cute and exponentially more annoying if you’re an adult. And a lot of adults, act like kids, the misbehaving kind. What makes it funny and annoying at the same time is that often they are not even aware of that… but their trail of drama somehow follows them no matter where they go.

I’ve been lucky during my naval career to have been in place were there was little to no drama. It was awesome, things happened, people were not getting on each other’s nerves, and the mission was accomplished. But there have been other places that there is so much freaking drama that even the simple things become so much more complicated… simple stuff getting complicated because somebody is being an @$$#0L3 somewhere. It happens more often than you think. And the older you get, if you’ve matured enough… these things will drive you crazy – even though you’re trying to avoid them.  It is quite an oxymoron but let me explain you why that happens. Why that would drive you (or me in this case) crazy.

So, at a certain age it is like people should be “over” some stuff – you know, like figuring it out what you’re supposed to be doing correctly – for most people. For example, if you were a small kid and were still having trouble wiping your butt and left a stain here and there… at some point in your life that should not be an issue anymore. At some point you should be a functional adult and your underwear should not look like you missed the toilet. You would be surprised how many adults are walking around (maybe sitting next to you right now) with skid marks in their nickers.

Same thing with anything else, for example being a functional member of society. There are going to be some “requirements” that you have had to be able to achieve in order to find yourself in a group that is dedicated to do something. Let me give you a couple of examples. If you’re a Mount Everest mountain-climber, then a reasonable expectation is that you have actually done some high-altitude climbing training before. You’ve got some specialized gear, and you know… be prepared to go up to the top without getting your group, yourself, or the sherpas killed because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, and probably had no business being up there in the first place with the rest of that group.

Another less dramatic example.  Let’s say that you find yourself in a professional jazz band gig. But you don’t know how to read music, so you didn’t practice your parts, and are marginally proficient at your instrument – but can do some scale improvisation. You might be able to make it through the gig, but a lot of your bandmates would have been in utter hell each time you missed your cues and possibly dragged the entire quality of the musical piece.  Sure, some people out there don’t know what was missed… but to the ones in that group of musicians and listeners… they know… and they are not happy with you. Hell, they might have even “lowered” the fader (” volume”) of your instrument track in the input mixer to make your shortcomings less obvious to the crowd.

Yeah, why not… one more example. Let say that you’re playing a team sport for a qualifying match but you’re not very good at it, but somehow weaseled your way through it.  Your performance could cost the game… but I mean… you did the basics… kind of have some sort of knowledge of the rules, and perhaps some basic skill and endurance… but not to the level it should have been to be part of that particular sport team. Not to say that a margin of error and experience should be contemplated when trying to get better. However, there is “practice time” and then there is “game time” – when it is time to practice, that’s when you get your stuff out of the way, when it is game time… then you better be at an adequate level – at a minimum… you can always be better than the minimum, but there is a minimum threshold that will be required to be part of that group. Hope that makes sense.

But anyway, stuff like that drives me crazy because they all detract from letting the mission (whatever it is) to flow effectively. When there is a team member who is not really part of the team, but it is kind of going with the motions, or somehow put in a certain position… this could be detrimental. Logic would dictate that a person in a certain position of authority should have a solid idea of what they are doing, and how this understanding would affect the rest of their team. Well, that’s not always the case.  But that cannot be always just faulted to the leader, sometimes the team members are just not at the level they should be… or don’t want to be at the level they should be.

So, for me… being in a leadership position, I want my teammates to be at a level where they can perform what they are supposed to be performing. Sure, some of them would be better than others in the same skill set. That is normal and even expected. But there has to be a minimum threshold that they all achieved in order to be functional. What often happens with lower performers is that the threshold for them to achieve that minimum requirement becomes more and more faded in their memories and skill set. They forget the basics, and then as you pile more advanced skills, they will inevitable fall behind, unless they can shore up those basics again. This might take time but most importantly, it takes from each team member to be part of that solution. If they are not, then anything else you do will be wasted time. If they don’t want to do it, they might “do something” but it will be either riddled with mistakes, or you’ll have to spend more time quality assurance checking everything they do. Stuff that would be even easier for you to do it yourself right the first time up.

But then again, you don’t want to give somebody compensation for a job that they did not actually perform. That is not good for anybody, not even for the lower performer… because they will never grow. Sometimes people, all of us, need a kick in the pants.  It helps us mature and move forward. Some growing pains are important in order for us to improve. Desire to move forward is not enough, potential without drive means nothing. There needs to be a symbiotic relationship between wanting to do something well in favor of the team, and actually accomplishing that “something.”

In my case, I kind of made my peace with the stuff that drives me crazy. Especially, I don’t plan on spending any more time trying to improve the skills of those who do not wish to improve. I rather use my time and energy in those that are more receptive.  I’ve tried before, gave those low performers a chance, and they have the guidance, my conscience is at ease and my life will continue. I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish before I move forward from what I am doing now. I’ve been working at those, because I know that my transition is inevitable, and I have been getting ready for that time when this U.S. Navy chapter comes to a close for me. Whenever that time comes by, I’ll be ready.

But rather than feeling bad for being stuck here in a rack, in a warship, in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, in an extended deployment… I want to think about all the good things that even put me here in the first place. At the end of the day, this has been an historical deployment, and the cruise book will be a testament to that.  I do hate the fact that I am separated from my two girls, but neither of us can change this. Also, I could reunite with them under good or bad circumstances, and the only appropriate way to return to them is once this ship is tied back safely in Norfolk, Virginia – USA.   Any reason for me to leave earlier is most likely not a good reason… so this is happening no matter what I feel about it. This is where I am needed now, and soon enough I will be with my girls, where I will be needed the most, and I need them more than they even know. I know it is hard for them as it is hard for me, so we’ll celebrate once this separation is over.

I know for a fact that I will be laughing later about a lot of things that are annoying the π!$$ out of me. How I know that? Well, I’ve been working on the cruise book, and some of the $#!^ we had to go through are hilariously tragic, and I am writing them as such. Hey, it is history, and history it is what it is. Otherwise, it is called propaganda, and I don’t write propaganda, I write historical records… although on my unique style, but that is what I do.

Today was not a bad day, all things considered. Though it was a workday, for the most part I was left alone to do what I needed to get done. I’ve gotten some time off, I’ve enjoyed my Red Bulls… yes, I know, my guilty pleasure, love the bubbles… I am not sponsored by Red Bull – yet (are you listening Red Bull?), but I has made this deployment a lot more bearable. I even got Red Bull cases sent off to me by my wife to the ship, and this delicious liquid is something I always have nearby. I might even put some product placement on this stuff… really love the flavor and the bubbles, makes me happy… might be destroying my kindness and making me π!$$ kidney stones, but F@%& it! Love that stuff. Thought I might have been able to buy my own country with all the money I’ve spent on that delicious elixir.

I’m about to get some dinner, do my routine, and get ready for tomorrow.  I might take a break from the cruise book today and continue working on my book. The cruise book, I consider it as work, so I’ll do that during working hours as I was doing so when I was on the rest of this COVID lockdown. And let me be clear, I was not sleeping when I was here doing that cruise book. Holly $#!^ time flies when you’re doing creative stuff… and every day I was going to sleep past midnight working on it. It is to a point where I am happy with the progress, I already announced that it will be about two months after we return when it will be ready. But as I am doing it all by myself, who knows how long it will take. But I won’t rush regardless. The product has to reach my level of satisfaction. It is art after all. But of course, I just want to do very minimal cruise book stuff by the time we return, essentially final Quality Control and be able to get it all smooth for printing and digital copy distribution. This will be fun; I’ll write about it when it’s done.

So, the brunt of that will be done by the time we return. I need a break from that anyway, and next week I will be working on many of the action shots and pretty photos I’ve taken and pre-selected. This will be a very fun book, you’ll see it, maybe. Not sure if we’ll be able to distribute it outside certain channels. I actually, spoiler alert, prefer NOT to distribute it outside the actual groups of Naval Personnel and people in the U.S. Navy involved in this deployment, except for very specific exceptions.

For example, we’ll send one of those to the white house, because we were under presidential orders for some of the missions we did, and I want to send another one to NETFLIX because we have a miniseries pitch… we did for fun… real event though. We might send some to others that have not been decided just yet. But years from now, then I would be more inclined to have it available, mostly because by then this crew will be elsewhere doing something else, or even out of the Navy. I don’t want to give that snapshot to the world, yet. It just makes sense to me.

Today I was able to play air drums for a bit, that was nice. My wife sent me one set of my favorite type of drumsticks, I missed that. I do miss my drum-set, it is such a good stress reliever.  And also, because the drumsticks help me keep dexterity on my arms and wrists. I know it is not the same, but when you’re far away any little bit of normalcy helps. I can’t really play my guitar anywhere when we are in this lock down, because we’re not supposed to be out and about, and it is too hot for the instrument to be outside. So, this is what I got to do in the meantime.

Man, 44 years old.  A classmate of mine wrote her book at 41 or 42 or something like that… and she said something along the lines of “Because the 40’s arrived” as the reason why she finally did it. I was not unhappy as far as where my life was at the same age… we are both about the same age now, she’s a few days older in fact. But I know that I am in a time where this chapter in my life will come to a close and I want to be ready for the next chapter as soon as possible. And I think I am doing that.

So, am I happy with my life at this point? In other words, am I happy to find myself doing what I am doing at the age of 44? Loaded question and it is not a “yes or no” answer either… but then again, my whole life has always been a big shade of grays. I am definitely not happy that I am away from my girls, my house, my stuff my ability to be in the States and do stuff I love out there… yeah, I don’t like that at all. But I am where I am supposed to be.  It is weird, but the reason why I am here is because I was the best suited person for this job (for what I do for a living). And that makes me say “yes” I am happy with where my life is at this point.

And the reason is because I am not just one number, or a “replaceable part” in the areas of expertise for the ship, or the entire strike group for that matter. Even the fleet at this point… so having this opportunity to be front and center into this, doing what I do, it makes me feel validated to be where I am now. Also, because it was not easy to be where I am now, this ‘job” was not just handed to me, I had to qualify for it. Turns out I am a bit overqualified for it, but that also means that I am able to do what takes others all day in a much shorter amount of time. That’s good, because then I can re-invest that time in doing these other things I am doing.

I am well aware that a lot of what is going on is inevitable for me and for the rest of this crew. But I am part of this crew, and I am part of this team… so I’ll be doing my part to be able to help this team bring this ship back to our home port safely, with honor, and a bunch of stories to tell. These are some of my thoughts about my birthday… I might do an article about my thoughts that I put in my summary today… there is a lot to dissect there, for anybody who might be interested.  There is always a lot more than what meets the eye, and there is always more to this story. HLC