Reliving my life as a civilian

I put on my military uniform for the last time on February 9, 2024 until I retire at the end of April.  I finally get to spend quality time with my daughter.

 

The wait is finally over!

Only about 1% of the population in the United Sates of America has earned the privilege to serve in uniform, and have been authorized to wear the cloth of our nation.  For a little over 20 years, I was one of those privileged few who have been authorized to serve.  For the longest time, staying in uniform was very challenging, not just because of the actual required sacrifices linked to the military service, but because there were some force-shaping tools that were hellbent in discharging as many service members as possible.

To be honest, a few times my name (like everybody else’s) was near the chopping block because of these manpower policies.  But based on my merit and performance I was able to make it above the cut.  While all this was happening, I kept moving up in rank and finally reached enough tenure to be eligible for retirement.  It is very humbling and almost surreal to see it from this perspective – as far as time is concerned.  There are literally thousands, if not millions of memories linked to my service, and it would take me 20+ years to recount them all.  But the coveted date finally arrived.

I joined the United States Navy when I was 24 years old, which is kind of late for many people who usually join after high school.  By the time I started basic training I was already 25, and at that point I did not know if I was going to make it a full career.  It was actually one evening while underway on my second ship USS LAKE ERIE CG 70, when my then-Commanding Officer was speaking with a few people in an area of the ship we used to call “Maine and Vine,” given by some novelty street signs we had placed in the ship.

The Captain was speaking with a few Sailors about reenlistments, and retirement, and asked me how old I was when I started bootcamp, and since I mentioned 25, making quick math he said, “so BeeZee (that’s me) can retire the Navy at the young age of 45…” and he was right.  I am 45 now.  So, in a way, ever since it was a goal of mine to reach the age of 45 and retire.  Afterall, I have recently gotten meritoriously promoted to Second Class Petty Officer.  And looking back, 20 years is a very long time, especially if you have been serving in the military.  And to be honest, I left a lot of interesting projects on the back burner because of my military duties.

Fast forward a few years, and I married Alicia and a year after Sammy was born.  I will be speaking in length about Alicia and Sammy in my articles, because there is so much to talk about them both… and they are indeed my whole world.  In fact, the reason why I decided to retire wherever 20 years of service got me was because I promised as much to Sammy.  Alicia, Sammy’s mom served for 24 years, but she retired from the Navy a couple of years ago.  Yes, she joined the Navy before me.  Being a dual military couple is very tough, especially on the family, and this of course means Sammy had to be very patient.

For so many years Sammy was patiently waiting for this quality time with either one of us.  We dedicated to her all the time we could, but the call of duty would take us away from home for extended periods of times.  In my case, for weeks and months at the time.  I would return home and Sammy already looked taller each time.  This was heart breaking for me as it was for her.  But I am happy that that time apart is finally over.

As I type this article, Sammy and I have been spending some quality time.  We have this nice couch in our house where she can pop a recliner, and we have been sharing a blanket as she is watching her favorite TV shows.  Whenever it’s dinner time, she helps me enough, but I love seeing her clearing her plate.  She has a very good appetite.

She also likes playing with my newly grown beard, and when she does, I could not be happier.  We had developed a good routine, and the more time we spent together, the more I was amazed by how wonderful my daughter truly is.  She is such a fascinating child, and the more I get to hang out with her, the more I see how beneficial this closeness has been for both of us.  It was definitely well overdue.

 

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Becoming a stay-home dad.

After so many years of being away, and the countless times I saw my daughter looking at me from her bedroom window as I was leaving for work insanely early in the morning, I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that those days are over.  Seeing Sammy’s saddening face as I was leaving every day was devastating.  Yet, whenever I used to come back home, she would receive me with a big smile.  I could see her smile behind the window from the street as I approached the house, she would then run to open the garage door for me, and wait for me to get out of the car to give me a big hug.  It was the happiest part of my day.

Fast forward to the time that I finally have a different level of control over my schedule – in other words, not having to commute to work anymore, it is so liberating.  But that does not mean that it is boring.  Not at all.  Although my house is very clean and well maintained, there are countless chores and other unfinished projects that I’ve been tackling little by little.  And there is so much more to do.  The good news is that they are no longer in the back burner, the bad news is that there are a bunch of items in my to-do list.

But every little line item I cross out makes me feel so much better.  Especially when it comes to some projects that were just lingering, even if they were minor projects, like changing the rubber gasket in a faucet, or reorganizing a closet.  These simple projects were put on the back burner for a long time, and finally I am tackling them down.  For example, I had to replace a light bulb for a while, but I just didn’t have the time to climb on a ladder to do so for several weeks, because the bulb was so high up.

But the best part of the day for sure is when I get to receive Sammy when she gets off her school bus.  The house becomes alive once again with her smile and her limitless energy.  This kid has a lot of energy, I only wish I was as energetic as she is… but I do my best to keep up.  But make no mistake, there is always so much to do at home, which makes me wonder how it is that I was able to do so much before I had this additional time.

The truth is that I never really had that much time, my catch phrase for years was “I’m busy” – that is still true today, but it is a “better” busy – if that makes sense.  When I put my post about my last day at work, I received a lot of love from my friends, and family – it was very heart-warming then as it is today.  I am so happy to be able to take care of my tasks without having to deal with a bunch of other stressors outside my control.

In fact, probably the most drama I have nowadays is when some people get rambunctious on the social media sites.  But as I am moving into this new phase in my life, engaging in social media is part of my new life as an author.  A lot of people I engage with are super cool, and once in a while I get a few people who clamor for a lot of attention, and some of those can be very frustrating to deal with.  But fortunately, at my age I don’t care about external validation, but still, it can be taxing trying to process some of the stuff that they are saying.  But fortunately, I can always look away and do something that makes me happy.

And to be honest, my house is super cool – I got all my cool gadgets and toys to enjoy.  And making my house even more cozy is one of my favorite things to do.  Having a nice comfortable home, or a place to work is always important to me.  I have many places where I can sit down and enjoy my time at home.  Either in front of my big TV, or in my bedroom, or the big jetted tub, or in my yard, or my home-office, my garden, or playing my musical instruments, or even painting what comes to mind on a canvas, it is awesome.  And of course, I get to write, and love writing.  And interesting enough, my favorite place to write is this… the very surface-pro tablet that I bought before my long deployment.  I love this thing.

At home, one of my favorite places to sit is on my big couch in my living room.  I have this “lap desk” where I prop my tablet and I can just type away, or design stuff where I don’t have to think too much while I enjoy my TV shows on my big TV.  It is a very good feeling.  I don’t really spend that much time outdoors because it is pretty cold out there right now, and the temperature inside my home is just perfect.  For years I’ve had to deal with weird temperatures – therefore I’m indulging now that I can finally do so, and it is a good feeling.

When Sammy is at school, I do all the things we cannot do together, so I can be more productive.  This includes errands, or other activities that are easier done without Sammy, such as phone calls, social media engagement, yard work, etc.  Then when she arrives, my attention turns to hanging out together and doing activities that are both entertaining and part of her development.  For example, we’ll do some combined chores, go for a walk, make dinner, fold the laundry, clean up the house.  Sammy likes to be part of those activities.  Then when we are done, we like to spend some time watching TV.  This is actually part of her development, because we use images as a way to chat and laugh together.

Most importantly, it helps Sammy know that I am here and I am not leaving – as has been the case for many years.  For years, Sammy was very patient while I had “to do something” – and I could not sit still for very long.  Now, we make a point that we can sit for a while, sip on our favorite beverages.  For instance, we have become big fans of fruit juices, and we like to try different flavors.  And of course, we enjoy our candy!  We have a cool tradition of opening a bag of jelly beans, or gummy bears, and we make a “shhh” sound, because usually mom does not like it when we have candy.  But this is like our little [open] secret.  And by the way, we don’t do that every day, but Sammy likes this tradition, so we keep it alive.

And no, this does not spoil her appetite.  Sammy can eat a gigantic NY strip in one sitting, and make all the sides disappear.  Not sure how she is able to pack all that food in such a little frame, but she does.  And I’m glad she is enjoying it, because she has a high metabolism and she is still growing.  That is good news, because she’s at an age that she can eat like a freight train and be ok.  I’m at an age that I look at a cupcake and I turn into a balloon.  But at her age I was able to eat an elephant and still be hungry.

And seeing this part of her is so refreshing.  For many years, I felt as though I’ve only got to see some glimpses from my child as the duties and responsibilities kept me away.  Sammy and I have always been very close, whenever I am around – but these long separations did create a lot of damage to her upbringing.  She patiently waited at the end of the pier until I returned.  She waited patiently when I had to finish projects for work even at home, she waited patiently when something work-related was robbing her the opportunity to spend time together.  And even when we were together, there would be something interrupting.  Being a phone call, text messages, etc.  Yet, she patiently waited, now my little girl does not have to wait any longer.

 

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How is life after the Navy?

Simple answer, it is great!  But with that said, I am grateful and would be dishonest if I said I did not enjoy my time in uniform.  True that this lifestyle is not for everyone.  And I’ll be the first to tell you that the military is not the right fit for everybody.  I won’t delve into all the reasons, because that can be its own article, or even its own book.  But what I can tell you is that I’m happy I joined and even happier that I crossed the finish line.

The part I like the most is that I don’t have to commute.  Yes, I can stay in my house, and travel the world via the internet if I wish to.  I do have a nice yard, and sometimes I hang out there, but most of the day is pretty cold, therefore I enjoy spending time indoors.  Also, because I do take different “chore breaks” – which is like a “reverse break” – what does that mean?  Well, it means that I am doing something I have fun with, or even watching a movie, and take little breaks to do stuff I wanted to get done.  It is fun, I recommend it.  I’ve actually gotten a lot done because of it.

And the truth is that for many years I haven’t really had a no-kidding vacation.  Every time I had off, or I was on leave, maybe I’ll have a day or two to just chill, but in reality, I had a bunch of stuff that I needed to address on that time when I was not “at work” – and that is another reason why some of those things have been accumulating.  And I knew for a fact I could not tackle them, because it would literally take a few hours to accomplish.  For example, I want to reorganize my attic.  That is going to take forever, so I am first doing little tasks that I can knock down quickly.

And THAT has been therapeutic.  How?  Well, it is instant gratification.  I do something, and it is done, and I don’t have to worry about it for a while.  It is great!  Other stuff does take longer, and I don’t’ believe in a “just get it done” type mentality.  Why?  Because that often does not really solve the problem, only patches it for a little bit.  I like my problem-solving sessions to yield long term solutions.  And that does take more time and effort.  And of course, you have to make a bit of a new mess before you clean up the old mess.  I know it sounds counterintuitive, but in my experience that is how it goes.

A big thing that I am doing with my new found free time is re-engaging in Half Life Crisis.  Particularly on the social media platforms.  Not all of them at the same time though, because engagement actually does take a long time.  It might not seem like much, but just tweeting alone can make time move really fast.  Not always in a fun way, but hey… I do get a lot of people to visit Half Life Crisis via Tweeter, so I guess it can’t be too bad.

Visit us at uwww.halfifecrisis.com

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However, all the groundwork being done right now will be laying the stage for many things that I’ve been getting prepared for a long, long time.  And to be honest, a lot of the things I will be doing are in some form a continuation of my Navy days.  Except that I am no longer subject to the many rules and regulations.  For example, I haven’t shaven my face, and I am letting my hair grow.  I can finally put back my earrings and there is quite a story behind each piercing.  So, it is like bringing a tsunami of memories that make me remember who I was before I joined the Navy.

And that is a thing we don’t normally get to think about.  Who were we before a chapter in our lives took us in a different direction?  When I stop and think about it, the answer is both long and nostalgic.  And little by little I’ve been remembering this.  The other day I had the pleasure to have some conversations with childhood friends we have not spoken to in more than 20 years!  And in their memories of me, I realized how much of me has both evolved and changed.  Yet, I cannot help but realize the obvious.  Time has flown and there is so much more of me left behind than I realized.

As I wrap this article, I want to reiterate that I am in the process of moving forward a lot of projects that have been put aside.  I realize it will take a lot longer than I anticipated.  But that is ok, because everything I am doing is getting me closer to reaching that ultimate goal.  Meanwhile, I set myself a rule that when Sammy is home, she takes top priority on my span of attention.  I’ve been doing that, and it is working great for both Sammy and me!  HLC