Tag: parenting

I put on my military uniform for the last time on February 9, 2024 until I retire at the end of April.  I finally get to spend quality time with my daughter.

 

The wait is finally over!

Only about 1% of the population in the United Sates of America has earned the privilege to serve in uniform, and have been authorized to wear the cloth of our nation.  For a little over 20 years, I was one of those privileged few who have been authorized to serve.  For the longest time, staying in uniform was very challenging, not just because of the actual required sacrifices linked to the military service, but because there were some force-shaping tools that were hellbent in discharging as many service members as possible.

To be honest, a few times my name (like everybody else’s) was near the chopping block because of these manpower policies.  But based on my merit and performance I was able to make it above the cut.  While all this was happening, I kept moving up in rank and finally reached enough tenure to be eligible for retirement.  It is very humbling and almost surreal to see it from this perspective – as far as time is concerned.  There are literally thousands, if not millions of memories linked to my service, and it would take me 20+ years to recount them all.  But the coveted date finally arrived.

I joined the United States Navy when I was 24 years old, which is kind of late for many people who usually join after high school.  By the time I started basic training I was already 25, and at that point I did not know if I was going to make it a full career.  It was actually one evening while underway on my second ship USS LAKE ERIE CG 70, when my then-Commanding Officer was speaking with a few people in an area of the ship we used to call “Maine and Vine,” given by some novelty street signs we had placed in the ship.

The Captain was speaking with a few Sailors about reenlistments, and retirement, and asked me how old I was when I started bootcamp, and since I mentioned 25, making quick math he said, “so BeeZee (that’s me) can retire the Navy at the young age of 45…” and he was right.  I am 45 now.  So, in a way, ever since it was a goal of mine to reach the age of 45 and retire.  Afterall, I have recently gotten meritoriously promoted to Second Class Petty Officer.  And looking back, 20 years is a very long time, especially if you have been serving in the military.  And to be honest, I left a lot of interesting projects on the back burner because of my military duties.

Fast forward a few years, and I married Alicia and a year after Sammy was born.  I will be speaking in length about Alicia and Sammy in my articles, because there is so much to talk about them both… and they are indeed my whole world.  In fact, the reason why I decided to retire wherever 20 years of service got me was because I promised as much to Sammy.  Alicia, Sammy’s mom served for 24 years, but she retired from the Navy a couple of years ago.  Yes, she joined the Navy before me.  Being a dual military couple is very tough, especially on the family, and this of course means Sammy had to be very patient.

For so many years Sammy was patiently waiting for this quality time with either one of us.  We dedicated to her all the time we could, but the call of duty would take us away from home for extended periods of times.  In my case, for weeks and months at the time.  I would return home and Sammy already looked taller each time.  This was heart breaking for me as it was for her.  But I am happy that that time apart is finally over.

As I type this article, Sammy and I have been spending some quality time.  We have this nice couch in our house where she can pop a recliner, and we have been sharing a blanket as she is watching her favorite TV shows.  Whenever it’s dinner time, she helps me enough, but I love seeing her clearing her plate.  She has a very good appetite.

She also likes playing with my newly grown beard, and when she does, I could not be happier.  We had developed a good routine, and the more time we spent together, the more I was amazed by how wonderful my daughter truly is.  She is such a fascinating child, and the more I get to hang out with her, the more I see how beneficial this closeness has been for both of us.  It was definitely well overdue.

 

Let’s keep in touch on Social Media!

 

Becoming a stay-home dad.

After so many years of being away, and the countless times I saw my daughter looking at me from her bedroom window as I was leaving for work insanely early in the morning, I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that those days are over.  Seeing Sammy’s saddening face as I was leaving every day was devastating.  Yet, whenever I used to come back home, she would receive me with a big smile.  I could see her smile behind the window from the street as I approached the house, she would then run to open the garage door for me, and wait for me to get out of the car to give me a big hug.  It was the happiest part of my day.

Fast forward to the time that I finally have a different level of control over my schedule – in other words, not having to commute to work anymore, it is so liberating.  But that does not mean that it is boring.  Not at all.  Although my house is very clean and well maintained, there are countless chores and other unfinished projects that I’ve been tackling little by little.  And there is so much more to do.  The good news is that they are no longer in the back burner, the bad news is that there are a bunch of items in my to-do list.

But every little line item I cross out makes me feel so much better.  Especially when it comes to some projects that were just lingering, even if they were minor projects, like changing the rubber gasket in a faucet, or reorganizing a closet.  These simple projects were put on the back burner for a long time, and finally I am tackling them down.  For example, I had to replace a light bulb for a while, but I just didn’t have the time to climb on a ladder to do so for several weeks, because the bulb was so high up.

But the best part of the day for sure is when I get to receive Sammy when she gets off her school bus.  The house becomes alive once again with her smile and her limitless energy.  This kid has a lot of energy, I only wish I was as energetic as she is… but I do my best to keep up.  But make no mistake, there is always so much to do at home, which makes me wonder how it is that I was able to do so much before I had this additional time.

The truth is that I never really had that much time, my catch phrase for years was “I’m busy” – that is still true today, but it is a “better” busy – if that makes sense.  When I put my post about my last day at work, I received a lot of love from my friends, and family – it was very heart-warming then as it is today.  I am so happy to be able to take care of my tasks without having to deal with a bunch of other stressors outside my control.

In fact, probably the most drama I have nowadays is when some people get rambunctious on the social media sites.  But as I am moving into this new phase in my life, engaging in social media is part of my new life as an author.  A lot of people I engage with are super cool, and once in a while I get a few people who clamor for a lot of attention, and some of those can be very frustrating to deal with.  But fortunately, at my age I don’t care about external validation, but still, it can be taxing trying to process some of the stuff that they are saying.  But fortunately, I can always look away and do something that makes me happy.

And to be honest, my house is super cool – I got all my cool gadgets and toys to enjoy.  And making my house even more cozy is one of my favorite things to do.  Having a nice comfortable home, or a place to work is always important to me.  I have many places where I can sit down and enjoy my time at home.  Either in front of my big TV, or in my bedroom, or the big jetted tub, or in my yard, or my home-office, my garden, or playing my musical instruments, or even painting what comes to mind on a canvas, it is awesome.  And of course, I get to write, and love writing.  And interesting enough, my favorite place to write is this… the very surface-pro tablet that I bought before my long deployment.  I love this thing.

At home, one of my favorite places to sit is on my big couch in my living room.  I have this “lap desk” where I prop my tablet and I can just type away, or design stuff where I don’t have to think too much while I enjoy my TV shows on my big TV.  It is a very good feeling.  I don’t really spend that much time outdoors because it is pretty cold out there right now, and the temperature inside my home is just perfect.  For years I’ve had to deal with weird temperatures – therefore I’m indulging now that I can finally do so, and it is a good feeling.

When Sammy is at school, I do all the things we cannot do together, so I can be more productive.  This includes errands, or other activities that are easier done without Sammy, such as phone calls, social media engagement, yard work, etc.  Then when she arrives, my attention turns to hanging out together and doing activities that are both entertaining and part of her development.  For example, we’ll do some combined chores, go for a walk, make dinner, fold the laundry, clean up the house.  Sammy likes to be part of those activities.  Then when we are done, we like to spend some time watching TV.  This is actually part of her development, because we use images as a way to chat and laugh together.

Most importantly, it helps Sammy know that I am here and I am not leaving – as has been the case for many years.  For years, Sammy was very patient while I had “to do something” – and I could not sit still for very long.  Now, we make a point that we can sit for a while, sip on our favorite beverages.  For instance, we have become big fans of fruit juices, and we like to try different flavors.  And of course, we enjoy our candy!  We have a cool tradition of opening a bag of jelly beans, or gummy bears, and we make a “shhh” sound, because usually mom does not like it when we have candy.  But this is like our little [open] secret.  And by the way, we don’t do that every day, but Sammy likes this tradition, so we keep it alive.

And no, this does not spoil her appetite.  Sammy can eat a gigantic NY strip in one sitting, and make all the sides disappear.  Not sure how she is able to pack all that food in such a little frame, but she does.  And I’m glad she is enjoying it, because she has a high metabolism and she is still growing.  That is good news, because she’s at an age that she can eat like a freight train and be ok.  I’m at an age that I look at a cupcake and I turn into a balloon.  But at her age I was able to eat an elephant and still be hungry.

And seeing this part of her is so refreshing.  For many years, I felt as though I’ve only got to see some glimpses from my child as the duties and responsibilities kept me away.  Sammy and I have always been very close, whenever I am around – but these long separations did create a lot of damage to her upbringing.  She patiently waited at the end of the pier until I returned.  She waited patiently when I had to finish projects for work even at home, she waited patiently when something work-related was robbing her the opportunity to spend time together.  And even when we were together, there would be something interrupting.  Being a phone call, text messages, etc.  Yet, she patiently waited, now my little girl does not have to wait any longer.

 

Let’s keep in touch on Social Media!

 

How is life after the Navy?

Simple answer, it is great!  But with that said, I am grateful and would be dishonest if I said I did not enjoy my time in uniform.  True that this lifestyle is not for everyone.  And I’ll be the first to tell you that the military is not the right fit for everybody.  I won’t delve into all the reasons, because that can be its own article, or even its own book.  But what I can tell you is that I’m happy I joined and even happier that I crossed the finish line.

The part I like the most is that I don’t have to commute.  Yes, I can stay in my house, and travel the world via the internet if I wish to.  I do have a nice yard, and sometimes I hang out there, but most of the day is pretty cold, therefore I enjoy spending time indoors.  Also, because I do take different “chore breaks” – which is like a “reverse break” – what does that mean?  Well, it means that I am doing something I have fun with, or even watching a movie, and take little breaks to do stuff I wanted to get done.  It is fun, I recommend it.  I’ve actually gotten a lot done because of it.

And the truth is that for many years I haven’t really had a no-kidding vacation.  Every time I had off, or I was on leave, maybe I’ll have a day or two to just chill, but in reality, I had a bunch of stuff that I needed to address on that time when I was not “at work” – and that is another reason why some of those things have been accumulating.  And I knew for a fact I could not tackle them, because it would literally take a few hours to accomplish.  For example, I want to reorganize my attic.  That is going to take forever, so I am first doing little tasks that I can knock down quickly.

And THAT has been therapeutic.  How?  Well, it is instant gratification.  I do something, and it is done, and I don’t have to worry about it for a while.  It is great!  Other stuff does take longer, and I don’t’ believe in a “just get it done” type mentality.  Why?  Because that often does not really solve the problem, only patches it for a little bit.  I like my problem-solving sessions to yield long term solutions.  And that does take more time and effort.  And of course, you have to make a bit of a new mess before you clean up the old mess.  I know it sounds counterintuitive, but in my experience that is how it goes.

A big thing that I am doing with my new found free time is re-engaging in Half Life Crisis.  Particularly on the social media platforms.  Not all of them at the same time though, because engagement actually does take a long time.  It might not seem like much, but just tweeting alone can make time move really fast.  Not always in a fun way, but hey… I do get a lot of people to visit Half Life Crisis via Tweeter, so I guess it can’t be too bad.

Visit us at uwww.halfifecrisis.com

Let’s keep in touch on Social Media!

However, all the groundwork being done right now will be laying the stage for many things that I’ve been getting prepared for a long, long time.  And to be honest, a lot of the things I will be doing are in some form a continuation of my Navy days.  Except that I am no longer subject to the many rules and regulations.  For example, I haven’t shaven my face, and I am letting my hair grow.  I can finally put back my earrings and there is quite a story behind each piercing.  So, it is like bringing a tsunami of memories that make me remember who I was before I joined the Navy.

And that is a thing we don’t normally get to think about.  Who were we before a chapter in our lives took us in a different direction?  When I stop and think about it, the answer is both long and nostalgic.  And little by little I’ve been remembering this.  The other day I had the pleasure to have some conversations with childhood friends we have not spoken to in more than 20 years!  And in their memories of me, I realized how much of me has both evolved and changed.  Yet, I cannot help but realize the obvious.  Time has flown and there is so much more of me left behind than I realized.

As I wrap this article, I want to reiterate that I am in the process of moving forward a lot of projects that have been put aside.  I realize it will take a lot longer than I anticipated.  But that is ok, because everything I am doing is getting me closer to reaching that ultimate goal.  Meanwhile, I set myself a rule that when Sammy is home, she takes top priority on my span of attention.  I’ve been doing that, and it is working great for both Sammy and me!  HLC

Sammy is Half Life Crisis’ main artist.  This site finally came to life when Sammy demonstrated affinity for the arts, and that was the start to this project!

When Half Life Crisis was created it was meant as a dad-daughter team effort.  Sammy is my little artist, and this site was also meant to do be a platform to showcase her artwork.  Sammy has non-verbal autism, and through artwork she opens a window into her world.  Today is a special day and I wanted to dedicate this article to her.

12 years ago, today.

 

Sammy was in a hurry to be born, she almost made it to eight months when she came into the world.  Being a preemie baby, Sammy spent several weeks in the NCIU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) before she was finally able to come home.  Today, 12 years ago, Sammy came home for the first time after being born.

Over the years Sammy has demonstrated that she enjoyed the arts.  Every person diagnosed with Autism is unique, and every day is full of discovery.  Some days are very challenging, but I would not change it for the world.  She is my daughter, and I am her dad – she is my world.  And when she invites me to partake in her life-expression I can’t help but feel like the luckiest parent on the planet.

This is especially true whenever I go back in time to remember when I was only allowed to see Sammy for a few hours while she was in the NICU.  At the time I was going to a rigorous military school, and every day after class I would stop at the hospital to visit Sammy.  My wife Alicia (Sammy’s mom) was also in the Hospital for several days after Sammy was born.  I would return every night to sleep at home by myself while both my girls were so close – yet so far.

Sammy’s nursery was waiting for her fully stocked with all the presents we had lovingly gathered before and after she was born.  My little girl was loved to the max.  Around this time my mother, who passed away a few years ago, was staying with us.  Things were so different back then.

My mother loved hanging out with Sammy, even though Sammy was too young to have any memory of her.  That does break my heart, but Sammy was still so little by the time my mother left, and she (my mother) was unable to return to USA as her health declined.  For many years Sammy had endured a lot of changes that have tested her resiliency beyond belief.

Autism can cause regressions, and Sammy suffered three major ones in her short lifetime.  Regressions are triggered when the surrounding stimuli are too much to handle.  It is borderline impossible to understand where these stimuli frontiers are laid out.  As I said, every person with Autism is unique, and these frontiers are not fixed, they are dynamic.  Over the years I’ve learned to identify them, but it has been a bumpy (euphemism for extremely challenging) learning curve.

But no matter what the challenges, every second is worth it just to see her bright gaze.  Sometimes her gaze has melancholy, often it is bright and smiley, but it is always precious.  The depth of her eyes is so profound that a million words cannot quantify all that is inside her beautiful mind.  Through art Sammy is able to share this wonderful world that otherwise goes unnoticed.  And there is so much to discover.

Sammy the Artist.

Sammy was a little chatterbox just until the time my mother left for Ecuador and was unable to return.  Sammy has never been chatty again.  For a long time, she was a remarkably quiet child.  However, I did notice she loved singing.  And when she did, her words would just flow effortlessly with the lyrics.  Sammy always enjoyed it when I sang and played music for her, and she would love chasing me around so we could sing together.

This was well before I knew she was diagnosed with Autism.  I’m not going to go onto details about it because that is a topic in its own right, but what I will tell you is that it worked wonders.  This was a game changer for Sammy’s confidence and diction.  She also has perfect pitch (and I say this as a musician, not as her father), but she only sings when she is exuberantly happy.  Even though she is a happy child, sometimes she sings a lot, other times there will be weeks between songs.  Regardless she has always loved music.

Her affinity for abstract art was not evident for several years after her interest in music became obvious.  Surprisingly, her first painting was a school project.  She had to collect some leaves and douse them in watercolor.  Until then I’ve never seen her so focused and how she enjoyed expressing herself through art.  I wrote an article on this piece and seeing her loving this form of expression is an important reason why Half Life Crisis was developed.

https://www.halflifecrisis.com/2020/12/sammy-original-watercolor-collection-2020/

 

I posted this article December 2, 2020 – this is the second article I wrote for Half Life Crisis – but her painting was created in October of the same year.  I have to admit that her first painting was only done with whatever materials we had at home – and I was not as prepared as I would have liked for that moment.  Yet she surprised me and I knew right away this was something she cared about.

From there I went all out and got Sammy all the painting materials she could wish for, and she was very happy to get her selection of paintbrushes, acrylics, watercolors, canvases, etc.  It was like she knew what she wanted to do.  During a period of time, she was happy painting every other day.  She does that when she is happy – it is always spontaneous.  I never know what she is painting until she is done.

Her artwork, admittedly, is very abstract.  Yet there is always something hidden and prevalent in the middle of all her brushstrokes.  The more you look into it, the more you find.  And to be honest the pictures do not make it justice as her artwork – for some reason – actually seems to morph based on the light conditions and the angles.  But in any case, I can always trace it back to an event she observed and captured her attention.  It is an invitation to see the world from her own point of view.

In the near term I will be posting all her images in a virtual gallery in this very site.  Sammy has painted a lot more pieces than the ones I’ve been able to compile in an article.  In reality is because it has been extremely busy, and I just need time to dedicate it solely in doing just that.  But in the meantime, I wanted to share with you that these pieces exist, and I will be posting them in the future.

None of her artwork is for sale because Sammy has not given consent on how to proceed with her artwork.  For now, they adorn her bedroom, and other rooms in our house, many of her pieces are framed.  As time goes by this allows me to put a timestamp on her creations.  That is why she is labeled in our site as Our Main Artist.

In fact, Sammy is the artist who painted the artwork that became the cover for my second book.  And yes, Sammy owns the rights for that artwork.  Sammy also collaborated with Alicia (her mom and my wife) on the cover for my first book.  It is very nice to see her expression shared in a way that features her front and center.

Among other visual arts, Sammy also discovered black and white photography.  It is amazing how technology helps bring out our vision in such an effective manner.  Sammy inherited pretty much all the cool stuff I ever got – and of course she is welcome to use any equipment I own.  Afterall, everything I do is ultimately on her behalf.  One of the things she inherited was one of my old iPhones, she loved especially the photo and video apps.

Before she inherited this device, she would use my phone from time to time and I would be finding all kinds of fascinating images she had captured with the camera.  But she would always change them to black and white.  When it is a memory she cherishes, she always changes it to black and white.  There is something about that that makes it unique to her.

In the aforementioned forthcoming Sammy-gallery, I will be posting some selected images she has taken over the years.  There are thousands of images so it will take me some time to go through them.  I especially cherish these images because a lot of them were taken when I was away – normally away from home while fulfilling my military duties.

As time went by, I’ve noticed that Sammy preferred taking photos whenever I was gone, and painting whenever we were together.

 

Renewed Artistic Spark.

A few days ago, finally – after so many months Sammy painted a new piece.  I will write a dedicated article to be featured in our “Original Art” tab in this very www.haflifecrisis.com site.  This was a wonderful surprise, because Sammy has not been wanting to paint for a very long time.  I never force her to paint if she’s not feeling it.  Sammy broadcasts her feelings in her own way.

I was gone for most of 2023, 2022 and a large portion of 2021.  There is no coincidence that it also matched the times Sammy did not feel the spark to express herself through painting in the same manner as before.   I cannot begin to tell you how excited I was when she took it upon herself to paint again.  This last piece spanned a few days.  And this renewed inspiration started a few days after I was on leave (vacation) and we spent quality time just the two of us, while mom was in the other side of the country visiting her family.

As I said, I will be writing a dedicated article about this and all the other pieces I have not been able to post.  But I will tell you very quickly what she painted about.  It is titled “Motion Blur.”  And this actually makes sense because she was helping me rake the leaves in our backyard.  For a while she would run over the leaves, and then she would twirl and spin as she laughed and smiled.  She would do that over and over again, having her innocent childhood moments as she made me company.

Admittedly, we have not had that much time to hang out together in such a long while.  My life seems always so busy and full of chores and responsibilities.  We hang out but we have not been able to be in our backyard for a long time.  This is significant to me because it captures a moment we spent together after so long.  Sammy is still not as chatty as when she was an infant, but through her art she shares millions of conversations.  Thank you for spending this time with Sammy and me.  HLC

 

Time stops for no one, and that includes us parents.  As I type this, I am just enjoying the moment with my daughter as she is taking a little break on her new rocking chair.  Times like this make me wish time could just stop and last forever.

 

Wishing some moments would last forever.

It is the day before Thanksgiving, Sammy had the day off.  I am lucky to be on leave (vacation from the U.S. Navy) until next week – since last week.  However, it has been extremely busy lately, which paradoxically it is a positive thing.   My wife Alicia is in the other side of the country visiting her family, so it has been only Sammy and I spending the last few days together.  We miss mom, but it has also given me an opportunity to be a “full-time Dad.”

Aren’t all fathers “full-time dads?”  Well, no – not really… at least I have not been able to claim such an honor for most of the last couple of years.  The call of duty is demanding, and I have spent most of the last two years far away from home.  I love my daughter and my wife no matter how far or close they are to me, but I have been physically away.  And that has taken a toll on them and me.  Therefore, these moments being with my child are almost magical as I am basking on these fleeting moments.

 

Only 24 hours in a day.

As I mentioned before, I am on leave from my primary duties in the U.S. Navy.  That DOES NOT mean that I’ve had actual down time.  In fact, it has been quite the opposite and as I said it is a good thing.  The day only has 24 hours, and these hours move extremely fast, especially when you’re busy.  It has been very busy – but it is a “good” busy.

If you’ve gotten a chance to visit my page and my social media sites, then you likely have seen plenty of articles and contents speaking about my debut book.  I won’t speak about it in this article, but I do have to admit it has been taking a lot of bandwidth, and with good reason.  I am very adamant about the book’s message, which is to help preventing this growing wave of authoritarianism and propaganda.  I am also grateful for all the support!  I’ll leave it at that for now, I promise.

And one of those reasons is because as I sit here, I always wonder if I am doing enough to leave a better world for my daughter.  When I was her age, I remember days seemed eternal.  And granted, she does have a lot of activities she enjoys to keep herself busy.  And I do my best to give her options to enjoy her days.  I’ll hang out with Sammy until she needs to take a break, and I will always honor her request.  It is part of her having agency and exercising consent.  We will be enjoying some more activities later, but this gives her time to enjoy her “me time” – even though we are sitting in close proximity.

For anybody who was not aware, Sammy has autism and as her Dad I’ve learned to understand her levels of tolerance.  I have to admit that my absence has not been beneficial at all for her development.  And I tend to experience an overwhelming feeling of guilt.  As a looming feeling that I am not doing enough for her.  Even if I do all I can.  But of course, when it comes to my daughter, I always want to raise the standard for what I am doing on her behalf as much as humanly possible.  Sammy responds very well to my parenting style (whenever I am not required to be away from home), and she is a very happy kid.  She never ceases to amaze me how observant she is, and the candor of her great sense of humor.

 

Today has been a good day with my child.

Today Sammy surprised me by wanting to paint again.  She has not painted any artwork in such a long time.  I actually have a lot of photos of paintings she has done in the past couple of years, I just have not been able to post them yet.  Hopefully I will soon.  But in any case, she has not felt compelled to paint in a very long time. She only likes to pain when “she is feeling it” – therefore I never force her to paint.   It is never advisable to force inspiration to an artist anyway.   Her expression is spontaneous.  She is not quite done with her painting; she has been adding different layers to her piece as she lets the painting colors to dry.

I never know what the final outcome is until she finishes.  She started with two layers of acrylic, and she was eyeballing her watercolor (maybe for mixed media like she’s done before) … we’ll see what she does.  I plan on posting an actual article on her piece.  We also “collaborated” a bit with the watercolors in a separate canvas.  Then she went back to listen to her favorite songs.  The painting is not finished yet therefore I won’t show it up yet, but I’ll make a separate article whenever she finishes it.

Sammy also loves solving her puzzles.  She picked up a couple 100-piece puzzles the other day we went shopping.  For a little bit she almost gave up when I was finishing some chores as she was working on her own. But we sat together and started solving the puzzle together, she surprised me on her very keen abilities to put that thing together.  Granted it was 100 pieces is not an overcomplicated puzzle, and it might be the dad speaking here – I was surprised how fast she solved it.  I mostly love seeing her focused and enjoying this time together.

Later we went to the store to do some last-minute grocery shopping in preparation for Thanksgiving.  Sammy loves going to the grocery store with me, she is always very helpful.  Although I do have to “pay toll” to her, in the form of one of those “Kinder eggs” that have a little toy included.  It has become a tradition that I am happy to observe.   However, today she changed her tradition and got a different type of treat.  In either case I gladly pay that “toll” – she is a good kid.  She even took upon herself to ring and bag the groceries.  Sammy is my only child, and I am always so grateful to be her dad.

Today has been mostly a “lazy day” – it was too cold and wet to go outside.  And our home is fortunately very cozy.  Sammy is a homebody like her mom and dad.  Actually, mom loves to go out and to stuff, but then get cozy as soon as she returns.  Sammy and I are similar to mom in that respect – but to a lesser extent.

In the evening she helped me putting all her clean laundry away.  We like to play “match socks” and she is very good at helping keeping the house nice and neat.  For dinner she wanted steak and fries.  She picked some mean-looking steaks, and I was very happy to cook them for her.   Since this was going to be a more “fancy” dinner than what we’ve been enjoying in the last few days, she surprised me by changing into a pretty dress for dinner!  She also made that gigantic NY-strip steak disappear in no time.

Now she is watching her favorite videos while I type this memory.  I need more days like this.

Enjoying just being a dad.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these last few days spending time alone with my child.  There is so much I have missed about how wonderful my child is.  Every school day I had been getting her ready to take the school bus in the morning and being there by the time the school bus returned her home.  Simple things like that have been impossible for me to do in the last couple of years.  It is not like you can do that kind of activities when you’re floating in the middle of the sea onboard a warship.

But there is more to the story than simply seeing her go to school and return home.  I’ve enjoyed so much from our time together – even the little things, such making sure her lunch was ready to go, ensure she was properly dressed for school, or spending time before the school bus arrived.  It all seemed quick – but it was a phenomenal bonding experience.  Fixing her meals and snacks are those mundane things some parents might take for granted.  For me, like many others, who have to be away from home for extended periods of time these seemingly mundane activities are golden memories.

I feel as though I have learned so much more about my daughter in these last few days than in the last couple of years.  And yes, I have to reiterate that I’ve been gone – mostly floating on a warship – for the last couple of years.  The memories of the little girl who was waiting at the end of the pier are so distant to Sammy.   They are close to me, because I am the grown up – but her life has moved by leaps and bounds… and I missed a lot of it.

Some people who have a similar profession like mine (military or otherwise that require separation) can attest to this.  After so many extended periods of time away from home; it does feel like you are a visitor in your own house.  I have to ask my wife where stuff is stored, what does my child likes/wants lately.  And it is a humbling and heartbreaking realization to face the facts that there is so much you remembered as the way it was – but that it is no longer as such.  There is so much we are missing while oblivious to this fact.

Yet my daughter for many years accepted with poise and patience every moment until I returned home.  In the past I’ve seen her peek through the window as I drove off to work – even before the sun was up.  And she was there waving me goodbye, even though it was much earlier than her wake up time.  Soon these sad visions laced with separations will be just old memories.  And as I said I wish this time with my child will last forever… it is selfish I know.  I can’t stop the clock, but I can bask on these moments.

Every morning in the last few days when I went to wake my daughter up for school; I would softly say behind her closed door – “Hi little mama, good morning Sammy!”  Then she will just make a happy screaming, I hear her jump from her bed, and she opens the door with a very bright smile that melts my heart.  She then goes and starts her morning routine full of energy.  I cannot begin to tell you how energizing it has been for me to spend this time with my little girl.  These are rare moments I don’t take for granted.

In the last couple of years whenever I was home, she would be so jealous of my time with her.  And I was happy to oblige.  She would come with me to run errands around town.  As I was driving, she would seat next to me and would hold my hand with both her hands.  I would have to gently ask for my hand back so I could safely drive.  She would reluctantly agree.   And even though she would not say it out loud, it was her way of making a loud statement for me to not go away again.  She was staking her claim and wanting to ensure I was not gone – even if it was for a little moment.

As I wrap this article, I want to thank you all for spending this time with me.  Please let me know if you have a child and what is your favorite memory with your kid or kids.  Mine is every time I get back to homeport and my wife picks me up from the pier after a long underway, and Sammy grabs me by the hand, straps the car’s seat belt on me next to her and holds my hand to express she is happy we are together again.

Thank you again for joining me in this moment.  I am going to get Sammy ready to go to bed.  For any new parents out there, my humble advice is to live every day to the fullest with your child or children.  These fleeting moments will move very fast.  I can’t turn back on time, but I am committed to do the best I can to create a better present and future for my daughter.  I am sure every parent out there agrees with forging a better future for our children.  HLC

 

Being a dad is the highlight of my life.  Why?  Because I have the privilege of being a dad to the most wonderful daughter a dad could ever wish for.

Being grateful for my child.

Sometimes we need a story that makes us feel happy. Well, at least to me. And if happiness could be a person, then that’s my daughter Sammy. This weekend, admittedly we did not really go out nor did much outside the house as other weekends. But it was a great time none-the-less. Every moment is precious, and every memory becomes a fleeting moment. So, I wanted to reflect upon the fortune I have right now in front of my eyes.

As I type this short article, my daughter is sitting in her favorite chair as she watches her favorite videos. She looks so conformable in this a big lazy boy recliner chair I bought for Alicia when she was pregnant with Sammy. Sammy had dinner, but now she’s enjoying a couple of pop-tarts she picked up last time we went grocery shopping. Thought this big cushy chair was before in our bedroom, when Alicia was pregnant, it is now in our living room. It is not lost on me to see now my daughter sitting in the same place her mom was sitting when Sammy was inside her belly.

This is a scene that has become common place in our home. And to be honest, it makes me happy because it represents tranquility and stability. Sammy and I had a fun day today and we even ran a few errands together over the weekend. But most importantly, I was able to give her some “me” time – whenever she so desired it. But it is indescribable to know that she’s nearby, and not in the other side of the world – as it was the case at the same time last year when I was deployed.

Sammy is my little buddy, no matter where I am in the house if I say, “Sammy can I have a huh?” – she will rush from wherever she is, give me a big hug and sit with me for a little bit before she resumes doing whatever is it that she wants to do in her own time. She will come at all times of the day and show me something she finds interesting or will try to play a little prank on me, as she laughs with an expression that melts my heart.

As my little girl is next to me, I can’t help but realize how many memories we shared – and at the same time all the memories we did not share because of the distance. Sammy is an avid photographer, and she has in her little device all kinds of photos and videos she’s captured for so long. I got a moment today to review her images. It is like seeing the world through her eyes, even if it is for an instant. But for now, I just get to be part of that instant in her life. As she allows me to be the person that she chooses to spend her time with. During this precious time, I want to ensure she knows she’s loved and that when I’m near her, she takes priority no matter what I am doing. And if I am far away, there is not a moment when my daughter is not in my mind.

For any other Dads out there. You know as well as I do that the moments, we spend with our children will not return. We might be able to create many memories together, but we can never recover for lost time. The world is not all roses and lullabies. And if you have a daughter, remember that we are responsible for teaching them about consent and overall safety. These is toxic masculinity out there, and sadly these misguided people will consider our beloved children less worthy than them. We can change that reality by becoming an example worth of our daughter’s emulation. We, as their dads set the standard of what is normal in the way they should expect to be treated and respected. This has nothing to do with gender roles, and it has all to do with getting them ready to understand the world around them.

For now, all I can do is be grateful to be a dad. My daughter is the only part of me that is from my blood. She’s her own person and I my commitment to her is to help her become the person she’s meant to be. She has my unconditional love and I’m lucky my daughter loves me back. As I finish his paragraph, my little girl has gone to bed for the night, and we close another wonderful weekend when we spent time together. I can’t list all the things we did – because there was a lot. Anything from cooking together, running errands, making her some cocoa, and so much more. These memories will be added to our beloved family history. Sweet dreams little Sammy. HLC